Unknown Universes
by Another Writer Who Loves
Summary: Sam was born a girl and was forced to be the mother of Lucifers child in season 12. Fem!Sam Slight Sabriel
1. Chapter 1

Au World Difference: Sam was born a girl and was forced to be the mother of Lucifer's child in season 12.

Dean couldn't tear his eyes away from the kid who was sitting at the table, slowly eating a bowl of cereal. He knew that Dean was staring, glaring, at him but didn't say anything, meticulously chewing every bite instead.

Dean tightened his grip on his coffee cup, his eyes following the kid as he finished his bowl and went to wash it in the sink before he left the kitchen. The moment the kid left Dean breathed out through his nose and forced himself to loosen his grip on his cup.

It's only been one month since the kid was born, coming out already baked and grown. Sam's screams still filled his dreams before he swore that the universe broke and suddenly the kid was there.

He didn't have a name just yet, Sam hadn't had the time to pick him one and Dean had no desire to name him either.

Every time he looked at him or looked at his side and was confused for a moment about where Sam was and then remembered what had happened to hikm Dean had to fight himself from picking up one of the weapons in the bunker and painting the walls with the kids blood.

Not that it would work. The kid was immune to angel blades and he had nothing stronger than that in the bunker. If anything it would make him feel a bit better in doing it but ultimately, it wouldn't do anything to him in the slightest.

And the worst part, or maybe the best part he wasn't quite sure yet, was that the kid would let him. He knew that he had killed Sam, his mother, and he wore that guilt clearly and straight on his chest. The few times that he and Dean managed to say three words to each other the kid had said that Sam had loved him.

Dean had broke his hand punching him in the face and the kid stumbled back, his nose was broke but it automatically healed itself, and after since then the kid didn't mention Sam, he didn't say anything at all to be honest.

Dean breathed out slowly and glanced at the liquor on the counter, trying to figure out if he should have a drink this early in the morning.

On one hand, logically, the kid was his nephew whether he liked it or not. He was Sam's kid, he firmly ignored who the other parent was, and by blood and law, he was Deans nephew so by that Dean should care just a bit about him.

But at the same time, he destroyed everything. His birth had killed Sam after she had been violated in one of the worst ways possible by Lucifer. His birth had created a crack in the universe that his mother had fallen through with Lucifer. He had done nothing but destroy everything around him and with that, that was the Winchester luck right there.

It also hurt to look at him. The hair, the dimples, the shape of the eyes. Everything was Sam and each time he did catch a hint of it he felt a pain so sharp in his chest that Dean would swear that his heart was about to jump out of his chest.

The only thing that was different was his eye color, they were the same color as the old vessel Nick and it was the real reminder of who his father had been.

He didn't know what to do to get his sister back either. No demon was willing to make a deal with him anymore, and he had tried and been laughed at or the demon straight up vanished from his sight the moment they saw him. Rowena refused to work on necromancy and Dean didn't have enough of a skill to be able to do that himself.

The only thing powerful enough at the moment was the kid and oh how he hated that, hated that he was slightly dependent on him for that or for anything.

But fine, the kid was going to be here under Deans strict look and as soon as he was strong enough, the kid was going to bring Sam back to life.

And then, then Dean could find a way to kill him.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**118/365 **

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me. **

**Because of this story I will gladly take requests for whatever kind of alternate universe you guys want to see.**


	2. Chapter 2

Dean looked over the table that was covered with notes and research. His fingers were twitching and he grabbed at a pen, twirling it in between his fingers to try to get some of his energy out.

Most of it was about Sam, about finding a way to bring her back to life. Demons refused to make a deal with him, there were apparently no more angels left in heaven that could work with him. The only witch he knew that might've been powerful enough was Rowena and there was no chance that she was going to work with him.

Not to mention that Crowley was dead too, the only demons that might have worked with him, or at the very least would have liked to have some sort of leverage on him, and that was another reason Rowena might not want to work with him.

He could just try to capture her and threaten her but that was a last resort type of a plan.

Dean stiffened when he heard some footsteps around the corner, they stopped at the doorway but then continued, a little lighter than before. He kept his gaze firmly on the table even when he could see someone from the corner of his eyes moving around him.

He stopped then, just a few feet away from him but didn't say anything.

Breathing out slowly Dean forced himself to turn his head enough to slightly look at the kid who was shifting in place, hands wringing in front of him. He didn't say anything, just half glanced at him.

"Um...we're out of a couple things." the kid mumbled, shoulders brought up high. "And the supply cabinet it kinda empty."

Dean tightened his grip on the pen, feeling the plastic cracking, with each word that the kid said. He breathed out roughly and tried to unclench his jaw.

"Also your cell phone...it keeps ringing." the kid mumbled. "And..." he trailed off, either seeing Deans reaction or just knowing that he needed to stop talking.

There was a small bit of pain in his hand and when Dean looked down he saw that he had broken the pen into pieces and the plastic had dug into his palm, hard enough that it broke the skin and let some blood come out.

Carefully picking the pieces out he tossed them onto the table along with the other pieces of the pen, not caring where they landed.

The kid was still there, he could still see him from the corner of his vision. He shifted from foot to foot and seemed to want to say something else and Dean swore that if he said anything else, he wasn't sure if he could control himself from exploding on him.

"Dean?" the kid asked, his voice had a small tremor in it and Dean immediately tensed up, nails digging into the small cuts into his palm. "Can I...can we...talk?"

"No." Dean said curtly, forcing himself to walk to the table and pick up the notes he had made and reread them for the hundredth time.

"But...I think that..." the kid was started to say.

"Don't care." Dean interrupted just as subtle as before. The papers were crinkling in his grip and he had to focus hard to keep himself from destroying it. "Go."

"...but..."

Dean slammed his hand on the table, causing the entire thing to shake and crack. He could see the kid flinch at the sound and movement.

"I said go!" Dean all but snarled, still not looking at the kid who immediately turned and left the room, going somewhere else in the bunker.

Dean breathed heavily, his nails clawing at the table as his fingers curled into a fist, the blood from his palm staining the wood. He bowed over slightly, his other arm coming up to balance on the table as he tried to calm himself down. His entire body moved until he could press his forehead to the table as well.

His breath caused some of the papers to move and he could feel that his entire body was shaking. He closed his eyes and tried to control himself, taking deep breaths of air before he straightened up, forced everything down, and grabbed at his notes again, rereading them once more.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**191/365**

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.**


	3. Chapter 3

There was nothing he could do to bring Sam back to life.

Dean had gone over everything he could find, twice, three times, even four times for some of them, and he couldn't find a single hint of what he could use to bring his sister back to life.

He could feel the despair choking him with each moment that that realization set in. It took everything he had not to throw everything in front of him onto the ground.

He rubbed his hand over his face, not breathing for a moment as he tried to compose himself.

There had to be something. There had to be something that he overlooked or didn't look at enough. There had to be some sort of artifact or scroll in the bunker, there had to be some witch out there or reaper that would work with him.

There had to be anything, at all, out there. There had to be something, there had to be-

"Dean?" came the last voice that he ever wanted to hear. The kid was back in the room, walking along the wall and trying to keep his distance. "Dean-"

Dean snapped, there was no other word for it. Filled with the despair of knowing that he couldn't do a single thing to bring his sister back and saddled with Lucifer's child, made him crack and he came forward, grabbing the kids shirt, pulling his arm back, and punching him in the face, letting him fall out of his grip.

The kid was on the ground, staring up at him with wide eyes and shaking, tremors running through him hard. His nose looked broken for a moment before it healed, however blood there was still the blood that had dripped down. He moved slowly, wiping under his nose and smearing the blood away.

Dean focused on the blood, he couldn't tear his eyes away from it. It was Lucifer's blood. His tainted, disgusting, revolting, sickening, stomach churning-

Sams blood.

It was Sams blood too. Half Sam, half his sister, half their blood.

Winchester blood.

Dean breathed out heavily, straightening up slightly as he kept staring at the blood that was staining the kids face and hand. It looked completely human, no hint of a single bit of angel grace.

Dean finally looked away from the blood and at the kids face, the kid flinched away from his gaze and looked down at the ground, his hair falling in front of his face.

Dean felt his legs shake slightly and he leaned back against the table for support, placing his palms on them and ignoring how his knuckles were smarting from punching the kid.

He couldn't stop looking at the kid, maybe really looking for the first time, at the kid for a long silent moment. The kid seemed to curl away from his gaze but otherwise didn't move, still shaking and maybe a bit afraid of moving too much and having Dean's ire on him again.

The kid had shaggy hair, a corner of his mind told him. It was moved forward with his head almost covering his face completely. He had a few moles that Sam had as well, same places as well. He was tall, almost able to look Dean in the eye, if he ever did that but he hadn't done it since the first day.

He was lanky and he was thin, he could remember the kid that did eat but he had said a few days ago that they were running low on supplies and he hasn't done anything to resupply it.

Despite himself he could pick out bits and pieces of Sam there.

Breathing out hard Dean pushed himself off of the table and ignored how the kid flinched and curled more into himself as he came closer. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.

Not stopping his walk towards the garage, he needed to get out and he might as well get more things for their kitchen, he tossed the handkerchief onto the kids lap and continued walking.

He couldn't label how he was feeling, he couldn't figure it out. He could feel a multitude of emotions coursing through him and he didn't bother to name any of them, he didn't need that extra baggage.

As he got into his impala, flexing his fingers over the steering wheel, he breathed out slowly, unable to get the image of the kid sprawled on the ground, bloodied because of him.

He looked at his knuckles that were still hurting slightly, seeing the kids blood on them, small specks that managed to land on his skin.

He brought a hand to his chest slowly, feeling it shake hard. His other hand came up to cling at it and his thumb moved over the blood on his knuckles, smearing it slightly and taking a deep breath.

The kids blood. Sams blood. Their blood.

Dean closed his eyes, curling over his hands and just holding them close to his chest. A choked sound escaped him as the shaking spread through his body.

"Sam." he whispered, his voice breaking. "Sammy...I don't know how to save you. I don't know what to do."

He let his head fall back against the seat, feeling the tears starting to gather in his eyes. His entire body was shaking and he wasn't able to keep the small sounds from escaping him.

"Sammy." he managed to get out. "What do I do?"

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**192/365**

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.**


	4. Chapter 4

Dean went shopping.

There was nothing else he could do. There was nothing else that he could possibly do so he just went to the supermarket to stock up on everything they needed and things that they didn't.

He packed the cart full, not really paying attention to what he was putting into it. He grabbed whatever he saw at random and added them to the cart.

He stopped at the fruits and vegetables, his and Sam's last argument replaying in his head. She had been nagging him about eating healthier, trying to get him to negotiate for him to eat healthier if it meant that she would do something for him as well.

Wordlessly he started to add things to the cart, bagging the fruits and vegetables methodically and carefully placing it down. He eyed the bag of spinach dubiously and then added it as well.

He ignored the baked goods part of the store, he didn't have the stomach for that.

Slowly he finished with everything else and went to the registers, ignoring the exported look on the cashiers face when they saw how much crap he had in his cart, running everything up. He passed his credit card over and after gathering everything, went back to the impala and put everything into the backseat.

He slowly drove through town, not wanting to get back to the bunker so soon. He didn't want to face the silence and the stress there. The kid was there and Dean had no desire to face him so soon after he had punched him.

Instead he just slowly drove, not really caring where he was going, not having a destination in mind. Eventually, of course, he stopped outside of the liquor store and after a moment he parked the car outside of it and go out.

He walked into the liquor store, the bell above him ringing. The owner looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

"Hey, Campbell." he greeted him, reaching to shake his hand which Dean returned. "Haven't seen you guys in a while. Everything okay?"

Dean breathed out, sliding his hands into his pockets. "Not really." he said, staring at the counter.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice becoming a bit concerned. From the corner of his eye he could see him looking out towards the empty impala. "Is your sister okay?"

"No." Dean said curtly, not looking up. "I just want the usual stuff, stronger if you have any."

The owner hesitated, not really sure what to say about that, but ultimately Dean could see that he nodded. "Yeah, of course." he said before going to the back to grab a box for him.

Dean breathed out slowly, not even sure what to tell people that asked, people that weren't in the know about the supernatural. What the hell was he supposed to tell them about Sam? And how were they going to explain it when he managed to bring her back to life?

They didn't have that many connections in town but people knew them, recognized them, knew them as the Campbell Siblings that lived a bit out of town. They knew that something was up if they were apart, like now, and knew enough that something like this wasn't normal for them.

The owner returned with his usual box of bottles, he could spot a few small other ones. He quietly thanked him and paid, tucking the box under his arm and ignoring the mans questioning and sad gaze that followed him.

Eventually though, he drove back to the bunker, obeying the speed limit in a way he never had before. But ultimately he reached it and debated to stay in the garage for a while before he forced himself to get out of the car, grabbing the box of alcohol with him.

He put the bottles away, grabbing the nearest one to him and opening it. Forgoing a glass he drank straight from the bottle. His hand came up to press against the wall, breathing heavily as he drank. He took another deep pull and let out a small gasp of air as the drink that burned his throat.

His fingers dug into the wall for a moment and he took a great deep shuddering breath. He turned to go back to the impala to grab the shopping bags but stopped when he heard someone moving around in the kitchen and stocking room.

Moving slowly he went to the source of the noise and carefully peeked around the corner, eyes narrowing when he saw the kid. He had apparently gone to the impala and taken the bags from there and was putting everything away.

The kid spotted him and turned to face him, taking a step back at the sight of him completely. The kid swallowed hard, hand coming up to rub at his nose where Dean had punched him.

When Dean didn't move the kid did move slowly, finishing putting everything away, glancing at him multiple times nervously.

Dean just drank from his bottle once more, not tearing his eyes away from the kid moving around the kitchen. He was blocking the only way and the kid was shifting from foot to foot, slowly reaching out to take an apple and wash it, biting into it.

He grabbed another apple and washed it as well, taking a deep breath before he turned and offered it to Dean.

Dean just took another drink, not looking away. The kid looked oddly hopeful as he held the apple out to him, his own bitten-into apple in his other hand. Dean couldn't look at his eyes, they looked too much like Nick's, so he focused on other places, the shape of his face, the hair that framed him.

Wordlessly he reached out and took the apple from him, turning, and walking away towards the library, biting into his apple.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**205/365**

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.**


	5. Chapter 5

He'd already checked over the library and the texts, he also had checked Sam's laptop files and a bunch of the other scrolls that she had found when they first discovered the bunker.

Where else could he check? What else was there? There was that damned, pun intended, book of the damned that Rowena kept trying to get her hands on. There were countless other spellbooks in the bunker that he couldn't even dream of deciphering. He'd need a witch, a strong and smart witch, to be able to read it.

The fact that he was minutes away from calling Rowena and giving her access to all those spellbooks in the hope that she'd find a way to bring Sam back was just another excuse to show how much he was at the end of his rope.

He heard the kid timidly come into the room he was in, stopping a few feet from him. Dean ignored him and instead moved one of the texts on the table.

"Dean, I want to talk to you." the kid said, it was obvious he was trying to be brave and confident but his slightly wavering voice gave him away.

"No." Dean said curtly, not bothering to look up.

It took a moment but the kid spoke again. "I really want to talk to you." he tried again. "I would really appreciate it."

Dean snorted and still didn't look at him. "I said no, leave."

He could almost hear the kid swallowing in nervousness. "...mom would want-"

"You killed her, you don't get to talk about her, think about her, or even consider her." Dean snarled, whirling to face him. "You killed her-"

"I didn't want to!" the kid suddenly shouted, despair clear in his voice. "I tried to hold onto her! I tried to keep her with me! I couldn't and suddenly she was gone!"

Dean fell silent, just staring at the kid who was breathing heavily, tears in his eyes. "I don't care." he said simply, and it was the stone cold truth. "You killed my sister. I don't give a damn what you wanted or what you tried. Your birth killed her."

The kids eyes blinked faster, he rubbed at them, trying to fight back the tears as best as he could but despite his efforts, a few tears escaped. "She was my mother." he whispered.

"No. She was my sister." Dean told him. "She was forced to bear you. She was forced to give birth to you. She wasn't your mother."

The kid rubbed at his eyes once more, taking a deep breath and straightening up. "I heard her." he whispered. "When she was carrying me. She spoke to me, said that you'd take...that she would trust you with me and that you'd-"

"That I'd what?" Dean snapped at him. "That's I'd take care of you? That I'd watch over you? Cut the crusts off your sandwiches and tuck you into bed? No. If you were anyone else, my nephew? I'd be more than happy to. I'd love to raise you with Sam and watch you grow and be your uncle." his hands were shaking and he curled them into fists to try to get them to stop.

"But you're not my nephew. You are Lucifer's kids, not Sam's. You are the son of the devil and that's all you'll ever be." Dean told him. "You were born to be evil, you were born to be the son of the devil, you were born to kill my sister. And you've already accomplished all of that."

"She told me that no matter how my coming into being happened, I am not him, I am not Lucifer." the kid said, his voice wavering. "I...I'm me. I can choose who I want to be."

"And who do you want to be?" Dean asked, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "Who?"

"I want to be Sam's son." the kid told him. "I want to be your nephew. I want...I want my...a family." he took a deep breath and wiped his hand over his face to wipe away the rest of the tears. "I know that...my birth did...a lot of bad things. But I didn't want those bad things to happen."

"It doesn't matter what you want." Dean told him. "It's what happens that counts, its what has and will happen." he took a step forward towards the kid and felt a slight feeling of guilt when the kid automatically took a step back away from him. "It doesn't mean jack squat what you want, what matters is actions."

Dean pulled back away from him, watching the kid shake. "I look at you…and all I can see is him. All I know is that he raped her, he forced her to carry you, and finally...it killed her to birth you."

He turned away, shaking his head. "Something I've always looked forward to is if Sam would have kids. I always promised that I'd be the best uncle to them. I'd be there for them, I'd help them, and I just be everything they needed me to be."

"But you're your father's son. You can't erase that and you can't change that, and that's all you'll ever be." Dean said, turning to leave the room.

"You're wrong." he heard the kid whisper. "You're wrong. I'm not him. I'm not."

Dean snorted, without turning around, he said, "Prove it.". He didn't bother to wait for an answer, there was none that the kid could give him. He left the room, not even sure where he was going to go in the bunker.

The kid slumped against the closest wall, his legs giving out and he slid down to the ground, laying there crumpled. Tears were falling down his face freely now and he didn't bother to wipe them away.

After what felt like an eternity he raised his head, eyes closed, and let it lightly hit the wall behind him, breathing in deeply before letting it out. He repeated the motion a few times, trying to stop the tears. He took one more deep breath and held it in for a moment before he let it out.

He opened his eyes and felt a golden glow surrounded his vision, feeling something throbbing inside of him like a heartbeat.

"Mom." he whispered, the word feeling slightly reverent on his tongue.


	6. Chapter 6

There had to be a way out of here, there had to be that one opening.

Sam let her fingers trail over the wall, trying to get every single last inch. She was never more thankful for her height that let her do the same to the ceiling and then on the floor as well.

She could hear Dean behind her, cooking something for them. He was humming along with the music playing on the laptop and even though he'd deny it his hips were moving in time with it as well.

Her fingers snagged on something on the table and she stared at it, not letting go. She curled her fingers around it and pulled as Dean placed plates on the table.

"Alright, one girly vegetable burger for you." Dean said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder before sitting down at the table. "One manly burger for me. Enjoy."

"Thanks Dean." she said automatically, staring at the cable in her hands. She reached out for her burger and took a bite, placing it back down.

She held onto the cable and slowly stood up, not letting go. Dean stayed at the table, talking about something. She followed the cable, holding onto it tightly and walked, following it out of the kitchen and into the hallway to another door.

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

There had to be a way out of here, there had to be that one opening.

Sam let her fingers trail over the wall, trying to get every single last inch. She was never more thankful for her height that let her do the same to the ceiling and then on the floor as well.

She could hear Dean behind her, cooking something for them. He was humming along with the music playing on the laptop and even though he'd deny it his hips were moving in time with it as well.

Her fingers snagged on something on the table and she stared at it, not letting go. She curled her fingers around it and pulled as Dean placed plates on the table.

"Alright, one girly vegetable burger for you." Dean said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder before sitting down at the table. "One manly burger for me. Enjoy."

"Thanks Dean." she said automatically, staring at the cable in her hands. She reached out for her burger and took a bite, placing it back down.

She held onto the cable and slowly stood up, not letting go. Dean stayed at the table, talking about something. She followed the cable, holding onto it tightly and walked, following it out of the kitchen and into the hallway to another door.

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam opened her eyes, rubbing at them and looking down at the bowl of popcorn on her lap and slowly ate a few pieces. Beside her on the bed Dean was clicking through their Netflix selection making faces.

"Over three hundred channels, Netflix, and HBO and nothing to watch." he complained as Sam put the bowl of popcorn down between them and got off of the bed.

"You're just going to have to lower your standards and try again." Sam told him as she started to look around the room, peering under the bed. "I'm sure it's not the first time you've heard that."

"Too low Samantha." Dean protested, she could hear him munch on some popcorn. "Wanna rewatch Game of Thrones?"

"No, I've had enough of it, I don't want to watch more violence." Sam said despite knowing that that wasn't what she actually said. Case in point, Dean turned Game of Thrones on and the theme song filled the room.

There, curled around her desk let, pushed down into the carpet, she found the cable and grabbed at it. Following it out of her room and back out the hallway, back in front of the door.

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam opened her eyes, rubbing at them and looking down at the bowl of popcorn on her lap and slowly ate a few pieces. Beside her on the bed Dean was clicking through their Netflix selection making faces.

"Over three hundred channels, Netflix, and HBO and nothing to watch." he complained as Sam put the bowl of popcorn down between them and got off of the bed.

"You're just going to have to lower your standards and try again." Sam told him as she started to look around the room, peering under the bed. "I'm sure it's not the first time you've heard that."

"Too low Samantha." Dean protested, she could hear him munch on some popcorn. "Wanna rewatch Game of Thrones?"

"No, I've had enough of it, I don't want to watch more violence." Sam said despite knowing that that wasn't what she actually said. Case in point, Dean turned Game of Thrones on and the theme song filled the room.

There, curled around her desk let, pushed down into the carpet, she found the cable and grabbed at it. Following it out of her room and back out the hallway, back in front of the door.

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam stared up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. There was a nagging in her head and she slowly sat up, her arm curling around her stomach. She looked down at it, rubbing at her flat stomach. For a moment she had thought that...there had been something there. Something like…

Like a baby.

She breathed out slowly and got out of the bed, rubbing at her eyes as she walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. To no surprise she saw the light was on and when she came in and saw Dean sitting at the table, eating directly from a carton of ice cream, with a surprisingly guilty and surprised look on his face.

Sam raised an eyebrow at him but grabbed a spoon from the drawer and joined him at the table. He pushed the carton to her and she immediately got a spoonful of mint ice cream.

"Can't sleep?" Dean asked her once the both of them had a feel spoonfuls each. "Nightmares?"

"Something like that." Sam said softly around her spoon. She licked her lips and dipped it in again. "You?"

"Something like that." Dean repeated, eyes far away for a moment. He slid his spoon along the edge of the carton. "Figured this was better for my liver than drinking."

"Dean Winchester are you growing up?" Sam asked, a teasing tone to her voice. "Making grown up choices and everything?"

"Shut up." Dean said, shoving at her shoulder slightly. "I just wanted ice cream, that's it."

Sam smiled at him and just got another spoonful, letting her teeth clank against the metal as she slowly licked at it.

Sighing Sam got up to wash her spoon, her eyes going to the counter and seeing a small cable there. She reached out and grabbed it, following it as fast as she could.

She reached the door and grabbed at the doorknob, trying to rush through it, trying to get out. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam opened her eyes, rubbing at them and looking down at the bowl of popcorn on her lap and slowly ate a few pieces. Beside her on the bed Dean was clicking through their Netflix selection making faces.

"Over three hundred channels, Netflix, and HBO and nothing to watch." he complained as Sam put the bowl of popcorn down between them and got off of the bed.

"You're just going to have to lower your standards and try again." Sam told him as she started to look around the room, peering under the bed. "I'm sure it's not the first time you've heard that."

"Too low Samantha." Dean protested, she could hear him munch on some popcorn. "Wanna rewatch Game of Thrones?"

"No, I've had enough of it, I don't want to watch more violence." Sam said despite knowing that that wasn't what she actually said. Case in point, Dean turned Game of Thrones on and the theme song filled the room.

There, curled around her desk let, pushed down into the carpet, she found the cable and grabbed at it.

But stopped when she stared at the cable once more, sitting in her palm. She then gripped it tightly and pulled hard, curling it around her hand. She followed it to the door and just stared at the door for a moment.

She looked back down at the cable in her hand, gripping it tightly and feeling it cut into her palm, slicing enough that a few drops of blood stained it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.

She felt a pulse in the cable and opened her eyes again, looking down and watching a golden glow surrounding it. It curled around her hand as well, dipping into the small cut on her palm and healing it.

Taking a deep breath she held onto the cable as tightly as she could and opened the door. She stepped through the doorway, feeling a pulse in her hand and blinked, staring down a white hallway with countless doors.

She glanced back at the door she had just left and saw a plate with her name on it. Swallowing hard she slowly started to walk, trying to find a way out.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**212/365**

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.**


	7. Chapter 7

Sam wasn't sure how long she walked or where she was going. The hallway was an unchanging blend of countless doors and white walls. There was no one else and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

One thing was for certain, she was in heaven. Not even Lucifer with all his power and hallucinations was able to do all of that. Memories with Dean in the bunker, some of the most relaxed and happy moments of her life, only to find herself in these hallways.

So case in point, she was in heaven and that meant…

She wasn't sure what it meant. It meant angels and it meant that she was dead and-

Sam stumbled over nothing, leaning against the wall. She took in a deep shuddering breath as the realization hit her like a freight train.

She was dead. She was in heaven because she was dead. She was dead because she-

Everything hit her all at once. Her legs gave out and she slid down to the ground, wrapping an arm around her stomach. She looked down at it, her trembling hand moving over her flat stomach, remembering that there had been a bump there.

She had been pregnant. She had died giving birth. She had been pregnant and she had died giving birth to a half angel child that-

Her stomach contracted and bile filled her mouth. She didn't throw up, she had nothing in her stomach to throw up, but she gagged and shook from the effects regardless.

Lucifer had...he had…

Sam closed her eyes, hand over her mouth. She breathed in and out through her nose, trying to calm herself down.

There was no point in acting like this right now. She had to focus on one thing at a time and the first thing there was that she had to find a way out of heaven and back to life.

She could focus on what Lucifer did to her later on. She needed to find a way out of here.

Despite trying to focus on the task at hand, she couldn't stop thinking about the baby. The one she had died giving birth to.

She was sure that it was a boy, something deep inside of her, but she had no idea how he would've looked like. For the sake of everything she gave him all Winchester features, mainly hers, maybe some from her parents.

Was he a baby? She was so certain at the time that she had heard a grown voice pleading for her, a grown hand grasping for her before a reaper tore her away.

Dean. Was Dean okay? He had been right there, he had held her hand as well while Cas, mom, and surprisingly Crowley faced Lucifer outside. He had been trying to comfort her, tears in his eyes as she tried to reassure him back.

Up until the end, the very last moment, both of them had thought she would survive despite the pain. Winchesters had always been different, always had managed to break and bend the rules, so maybe they had hoped that it would be the case here as well.

But then Dean had to go, mom had been screaming outside and Dean had hesitated but she told him to go, help her, she'd be okay and she'd still be here. She had crossed her legs and pressed them tightly together to try to stop the birth for just a bit longer.

But it didn't work. The birth took its natural and unnatural process and within seconds after Dean had left she had given birth to her child, alone and dying.

Sam shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as she tried to think, tried to focus again. She couldn't get lost in her memories, she needed to focus and she needed to think clearly.

Sam's eyes widened when she heard voices up ahead and she looked around, trying to find some place to hide. The only doors were other peoples heavens and she had no right to intrude in on them. She pressed herself against the wall as best as she could as the voices got closer.

"This is ridiculous, we can't keep being called to her room time after time to put her back in." one voice complained. "Why can't we just lock it up and put her away for good?"

"Because with our luck she'd get out and we'd be in more trouble." another voice said. "At least this gets us out of paperwork for now."

Sam breathed out slowly, rolling her shoulders back and tensed up, getting ready for a fight. She knew exactly where angels kept their blades and she had a bit of surprise on her side. She could do this, she just needed to act fast.

The moment the angels turned around her corner she rushed forward, knee coming up to bury in one angels stomach to make him double over before her hand shot forward into his jacket, easily bringing the blade out.

Twisting it in hand she buried it in his back, satisfied at the light and grace that exploded from him. She then pushed the body at the other angel who had tried to get to her to throw him off.

She moved around and grabbed the other angel, taking his blade as well and throwing it to the side as she placed hers against his throat.

"Where's the exit?" she asked him, pressing it harder against his skin.

"It doesn't matter where's the exit, you're dead." the angel spat at her. "Best case scenario you'll go back to earth and be a soul. Worst case you'll be destroyed. Or maybe that's the best case, you won't come back here if you are."

"I'll deal with that once I get to it." Sam told him, pressing the blade closer to him, a thin light of grace escaping the cut. "Now tell me."

"Even if you get to it, there's more angels there, going to kill us all?" the angel all but sneered at her.

As an answer Sam turned the blade and slammed it into his throat, watching with a bit of satisfaction at the grace being destroyed. "If I have to." she said, letting the body drop to the ground. She stepped over it and kept walking.

This was getting her nowhere. The angel was right, she was on enemy territory and there would be more angels for her to face and she couldn't kill them all. They had the upper hand here and she could only go so far.

She gripped onto the angel blade in her hand tightly, getting to another crossroads in the hallway. It looked identical to every other hallway and she wasn't even sure of the direction she was going anymore.

Despite being a soul she felt the exhaustion hit her and she leaned against the wall once more. She wasn't sure where to go from here and she was tempted to start opening the souls doors to try to make something differentiate between where she was and where she was going.

A pulsation in her hand made her look down and she stared at her palm, a small thin line was thumbing there. Dimly she remembered cutting herself on the cable in her room and something healing it.

Bringing the angel blade up she carefully made a cut on her palm, over the line of gold that was embedded there. She watched with bated breath as the golden grace slowly rose from the cut, curling around her fingers for a moment before encompassing her hand completely.

Standing up, staring at her hand, she swallowed hard and turned to a bare part of the wall. She placed her hand on the wall and watched as the grace spread along it, slowly coming together and creating a door for her.

Immediately she grasped for the doorknob and opened it, stepping into whatever was going to be on the other side waiting for her and she was ready to-

Gasping for air Sam sat up on the ground, coughing hard as her body convulsed at the sudden onslaught of air and life that was forced back into her.

Coughing and gasping for air Sam forced herself to look around, eyes widening when she realized exactly where she was.

She was outside of the cabin that Lucifer had kept her in, the one she had died giving birth in, the ground under her was warm and everything around her was concrete and hard.

She was alive.

**I do not own Supernatural.**

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	8. Chapter 8

Sam walked, there was no other option for her at this point. She walked along the road in the hopes that someone would drive by that she could hitchhike with but so far there was nothing.

She had nothing on her. Not a phone, her wallet, or anything else. That's exactly how Lucifer had left her back then and apparently it's how she came back.

She was fine for now but she wasn't sure how long she would be. There had to be something close to them that she could use, either a small closed gas station she could break into or if it was working then at the very least there would be a payphone for her to use.

Finally, after what felt like forever, her calves told her that she might've been walking for forever, she managed to find a gas station that was half filled with cars. Meaning she couldn't exactly take anything but...her eyes went to a payphone at the side and she went to it.

She didn't have quarters and it wasn't like they paid for anything regardless so she called collect and hoped that Dean would pick up. She spoke her name to the operator and waited with bated breath.

Dean looked up when his phone rang, picking it up and frowning at the caller id. He slid his thumb over it and answered, sighing when he heard an automated voice asking if he accepted the charges.

"Yeah sure, why not." he said, rolling his eyes. He froze however when he heard who was calling. "What?" he whispered.

"Dean?" the voice suddenly called out. His throat closed up and he couldn't speak, couldn't get anything out. "Dean it's me, it's really me, don't hang up I don't have any other way to call you."

"Sammy?" Dean whispered, tightening his grip on the phone, feeling everything inside of his shake, his heart felt like it was breaking apart. "Sammy? How?"

"I don't know, but it's me and I'm alive." Sam told him, a small relieved laugh escaping her. "Listen, remember the cabin I was at? I'm at a gas station a couple miles away from that, I need you to come get me."

Before she had even finished speaking Dean had been on his feet and all but running to the garage where the impala was. "Yeah, I'm on my way, I'm on my way Sammy." he said, his words slightly choking him. "Sammy...what is happening? How did this?"

"I think...I think it's him. I think its my...my child." Sam whispered, not realizing that the words made Dean freeze. "It was grace that helped me escape, I was in heaven but I got guided out and I managed to find the right door but an angels grace helped me and...I think it was them." she took a deep breath. "Are they okay? What happened to them?"

"Sammy...the kid killed you." Dean whispered. "He...he killed you. He's Lucifer's son."

"But he's my son too." Sam told him. "And I know. Hes Lucifers but that doesn't have to mean anything. Dean I know that you're most likely mad and a lot of things towards him but...its not his fault."

"He's the reason..." Dean started to say.

"No, Lucifers the reason." Sam told him. "Its Lucifers fault, not his. His, my son." her voice softened. "Hes family, and we don't give up on family."

"I've been blaming him." Dean whispered. "I've been holding him accountable and I've...I didn't want to know him, know anything about him. I just...I just wanted you back."

"I'm back." Sam told him, a smile clear in her voice. "I'm back and I need you to come get me and bring me home."

"I'm on my way Sammy." Dean whispered. "I'll be there soon."

"Okay, I'll be here, I think the call is gonna end soo-" with that, the call ended, disconnecting them.

With a shaking hand Dean pocketed his phone, taking a deep breath. He needed to keep a calm head about this and make sure that this was in fact Sam, no matter how much he wanted it to be her.

He came to a decision and turned back into the bunker for a moment, finding the kid in the room he had claimed for himself. When he heard Dean he looked up fearfully, scooting away from him as best as he could on his bed.

"You, come with me." Dean told him, motioning with his finger. The kid hesitated but then got off of the bed, putting shoes on and grabbing his jacket.

"Where are we going?" the kid asked, keeping a bit of a distance from him.

"To face something that you did." Dean told him, turning to go back to the garage. "And I really hope that this is real."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	9. Chapter 9

The kid kept side glancing at him and was sitting as far away from him as possible. He had hesitated to get into the passenger's seat but after a moment he did, despite how he was practically hugging the door.

They drove in silence for a majority of the time, Dean glanced at him periodically and the few times their eyes met the kid seemed close to throwing himself out the window. A mixture of emotions coursed through him and he tried to gain control over it, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

Finally, it was the kid that broke the silence. "Where are we going?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly.

"You did something and we're going to see what it is exactly you did." Dean told him. "And I'm really hoping that this is the real thing."

"I didn't do anything." the kid mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself. He took a deep breath and Dean noticed that his hands were shaking.

"You did and it might very well be a really good thing." Dean told him, taking a moment to just look at the kid, remembering what Sam had said on the phone.

"Then what did I do?" the kid asked, taking a chance and looking at him.

"You'll see." Dean told him, turning back to the road ahead of them. His eyes went to the clock on the dashboard, they'd be there in less than thirteen minutes.

He couldn't stop thinking about Sam, about the fact that apparently the kid had been the one to help bring her back to life. In the short conversation they managed to have so much had been said.

She didn't blame the kid, she didn't think of the kid like Dean was. All he saw was Lucifer's kid, what had been forced onto his sister, and the reason that his sister was dead.

She saw her son and her son, their family. It had been only them for so long, then mom had been given back to them for a short while. And now there was another person, another being that shared their blood.

But it was hard to look at him. Maybe if Sam had been there the entire time, if the birthing hadn't killed her, it would've been easier but he'd never been the best when Sam was taken from him. The first time she had been killed he had thrown himself into hell to bring her back to life. When she had gone to hell herself with Michael and Lucifer it was only because it was her dying wish that he had gone to live with Lisa and Ben and even then he couldn't find his happiness.

He wasn't going to lie and say that he'd never thought about Sam having a normal life, wishing that he could give her that, and a normal life included having a partner she would marry and have a baby in their future.

But his imagination never went that far, his mind never made another person in Sam's life that would help to create the baby. In his mind it was always the three of them, him, Sam, and the baby. He'd be a male role model in the kids life, he and Sam would argue over the best way to raise the kid, but it would just be the both of them and the kid.

But on his own? Sam died from birthing the kid and it just being the both of them? That wasn't something he ever thought or even considered, and it just made everything all that more worse.

And if he was being honest with himself, he took it all out on the kid because he was the only one here to be taken it out on. Lucifer was trapped in an alternative universe with their mother, Sam had been dead, and as a result, he lashed out.

Should he apologize? Would the kid even understand what he was apologizing for, would he accept it out of principle or because he wanted to? The kid had reached for him multiple times and each time Dean had not only pushed him away, but also literally punched him away a few times.

He didn't even have a name. Sam didn't name him and he hadn't picked him one, nor had the kid picked one.

Or even if he did, he hadn't told Dean, and why would he have told him? Its like not

Dean glanced at the kid again, this time he looked back at him and didn't look away.

"Do you have a name?" he asked quietly.

The kid hesitated but then spoke. "Mom...she told me that she had wanted to call me after someone that meant a lot to her. She told me about...her dad, grandpa?" he tried before he shrugged. "John I think, but she never really gave me a real name."

"You didn't pick one?"

"I wanted mom to name me." he said quietly, turning his head to look down at the floor of the car. "But she wasn't here so...I wanted you to name me instead."

The kid was definitely Sam's kid, he wore and used the Winchester guilt and even with no experience he knew how to hit Dean right in the heart.

Or at least he knew how to hit Dean once that he was actually listening to him.

"Dean? Where are we going?" the kid asked again.

Dean let out a deep breath. "You did something, and if it's the real thing, it's a good thing. A really good thing."

The kid looked at him again. "So if it's me, I did something good?" he asked, his voice wavering slightly.

"Yeah kid, you did something good." Dean said with a tense nod, trying to untangle the emotions rushing in his chest as they finally reached the gas station and there, just a few feet away, was Sam turning towards the impala's engine. "You did really good."

Dean didn't bother to park the car, just stopped the car in place and threw the door open. Sam had immediately ran towards him and it took barely a moment for her to launch herself into his arms, wrapping their arms around one another.

"Sammy." he whispered his voice cracking, holding her tightly yet tenderly. Logically he knew that he should test her. Holy water, silver, all the standard procedures. He buried his face in her hair and neck and just breathed her in, holding her as close as he could to himself. "Sammy."

"Dean." Sam whispered, clinging to him just as tightly. He could feel her cry softly and he moved enough to stroke at her hair, his fingers getting caught in the strands. "Oh god, you're here."

"Course." Dean said his voice heavy. He pulled back enough to look at her, really look at her, and he managed a smile, just grinning at her. She grinned back at him, gripping at him before her eyes went to the impala and her eyes widened. Dean turned as well.

The kid had gotten out of the impala, staring at Sam almost reverently. He slowly walked towards her, his eyes just moving over her as if to memorize every last detail of her.

Sam stared back at him, a touch of confusion on her face before it disappeared. She moved towards him as well, slowly and carefully. They were inches apart and stopped, just staring at one another.

"Its you." Sam whispered. Her hands were shaking as they reached for him. "You're him. You're...mine."

The kids face crumbled and he reached for her, leaning into her touch when her hands cupped his face. His hands came up to hold hers and there were tears in his eyes.

"Mom." he whispered, voice breaking and legs buckling. Sam moved the rest of the way and immediately wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

"You're my son." Sam whispered, holding him close. "You're my son."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	10. Chapter 10

Despite wanting to stay with his sister and never let her out of his sight ever again Dean forced himself to leave the two, going into the gas station to grab a few things for her.

He remembered being brought back to life from death and the first thing that had hit him was a deep thirst so he bought the biggest water bottle the station had. He also grabbed a few granola bars and chocolate bars to tide her over before they got her real food. If she hadn't had to stay at the gas station he was sure that she would've tried to steal some but she had been stuck there for the time being.

Coming back outside he immediately spotted the pair of them, leaning against the car and just holding onto one another. The both of them were talking and Sam's hand was on the kids cheek, stroking it tenderly with her thumb. Dean stopped for a moment and just watched them.

Because of how much older the kid looked it didn't really look like a mother and son but the look on their faces was similar enough. They both had almost the same heart broken and loving look in their eyes, the kid's shoulders were shaking and in response Sam wrapped her arms around him once more.

Dean came up at that moment, getting both of their attention. He held up the offerings and a grateful look appeared on Sams face as she reached for the water bottle. She opened it and drank from it, a small groan escaping her. A small trickle of water escaped the corner of her lips and the kid reached out to gently wipe it away.

Sam smiled at him as she finished drinking, offering him the bottle as well. The kid shook his head and half glanced at Dean.

"Hungry?" Dean asked, handing over the chocolate and the bars as well, watching a relieved expression appear on her face as she unwrapped and bit into the chocolate. She nodded, licking her lips.

"Starving." Sam confirmed, looking at the kid once more and smiling. She reached for the kid's hand and held onto it. The kid looked down at their entwined hands and almost visibly melted at her touch.

Getting back into the impala Sam took her seat in the passenger's seat, leaning into the seat with a relieved sigh, relaxing into the leather. The kid hesitated but got into the backseat, Sam did turn to look at him and offered him her hand, both of them held their hands together the entire ride.

Dean quickly found them a diner for them to eat at, nothing special that they should eat at but it was the first place that was on their road.

They didn't talk about anything important over lunch, Dean sat on one end and Sam and the kid sat on the other side. The kid pressed into Sam half the time, the other half he would glance at Dean and start to pull away only for Sam to pull him back to her.

"We should talk. About everything else." Dean said softly once they had all eaten. Sam had finished her entire plate, Dean had mostly finished his, and the kid had only eaten half.

Sam looked at the kid and at the plate a bit worried. "You can't eat or you're just full?" she asked him.

The kid played with his fork. "Its kinda both." he mumbled. "I don't really...eat that much and I don't have to, I just like it."

Sam nodded slowly at that and glanced around for their waitress. "Maybe we should get some coffee before we talk."

"I'll get it mom." the kid quickly said, moving out of the booth and going to the counter, waiting for the waitress to talk to him.

Sam watched him fondly, a smile on her face. "He told me you've been taking good care of him." she said, her voice soft. She glanced at Dean and smiled. "He said that you've been helping him with a lot but you're still kinda worried about his powers so that part's a bit apprehensive on both of your sides."

For a moment Dean didn't understand what she was saying, the words slowly registering in his mind. "He said what?" he asked.

"That you've been taking good care of him." Sam repeated. She turned her body towards him completely, watching him. "Is it true?"

Dean breathed out and picked his coffee up, staring into the dredges for a moment. "No." he said quietly. "Not even close."

Sam nodded, glancing at the kid once more. "Yeah, I didn't want to call him out on it but he was adamant." she said.

"I'm not mad, I'm not upset." she added, raising an eyebrow. "But I'm kinda disappointed."

Oh that was just worse and she knew that, low blow Sam. He'd have preferred that she had thrown her plate at him, cursed him out, something else.

He glanced at his watch. "You have officially been a mother for one hour, you're not allowed to use mothering tactics on me."

"I am allowed to use all the mothering tactics on you because I am a mother." Sam told him. "So that means you need to listen to me now."

"Okay listen, after all of your diapers that I helped dad change, I never have to listen to you ever." Dean told her. "I have been mothering you for a lot longer there kiddo, I'm a level above."

Sam reached and threw one of his fries at him. "We'll see." she said mischievously, a smile spreading along her face.

The kid came back to the table then, carefully carrying a tray of coffee for the three of them. He placed it on the table and sat back down next to Sam.

"I don't know if I like coffee." he said, looking at Sam.

"It's an acquired taste." Sam told him with another smile, taking his hand in hers for a moment. The kid curled his fingers around hers and held onto it before letting go so that they could reach for their respective cups.

Sam drank deeply from it, eyes closed to enjoy the taste. She let out a small happy sound and when she opened her eyes, she took on a serious face.

"Okay." she said, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the table. "Fill me in about everything else that's happened."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	11. Chapter 11

There wasn't much to catch Sam up on despite how it had felt that the entire world was caving in on him when she was gone.

He told her that Crowley had sacrificed himself to create the spell, Lucifer had killed Cas, and mom had been taken into an alternative world by Lucifer on accident.

"Tell me more about this alternative world." Sam asked, glancing at the kid. She had taken his hand in hers when Dean had started to talk and now she just rubbed her thumb against his palm. The kid smiled at her, entwining their fingers together.

"It's a world where we weren't born and the apocalypse happened anyway." Dean told her. "The whole world there's in disarray and destruction. Nothing good is over there Sam."

Sam nodded at that, staring down at the kids hands and seeming to marvel over the small details of them. "So I guess our being alive means something good at least."

"Of course it does, don't talk like that mom." the kid protested softly. "You're good, you're really good."

Sam just smiled at him, wrapping her free arm around him and hugging him loosely. "Thank you." she said, pressing her forehead against the side of his head for a moment.

She pulled back after a moment and tried to think, there was a haze coming over her mind and she started to have some trouble to put ideas together, she was more tired than she thought she was.

"Okay so obviously, the first thing we have to do is find a way to get mom back." Sam said, vision swimming for a moment before she finished her coffee.

"No, the first thing we have to do is get you back to the bunker and let you get some shut eye." Dean said. "Sam you're exhausted, you need to get some rest."

"I can keep going." Sma protested. "Listen we've learned how to deal with little sleep no matter what so I don't need to sleep just yet."

"Yeah but according to your body you gave birth like three hours ago not to mention you came back to life." Dean shot back at her. "So that means going to sleep."

Sam opened her mouth to argue but stopped when the kid reached for her, touching her arm gently.

"Unc-Dean's right." the kid said softly, glancing at Dean at his own slip of the tongue. "Please, just rest a bit. Then focus on grandma."

Sam looked at him and buckled when she saw the pleading look on his face. Feeling herself soften she nodded, almost immediately feeling the tiredness in her bones.

Sam sighed as they walked out of the diner, rubbing at her eyes. She was tired and she was drained, she wanted nothing more than to just get back to the bunker to her room and just go to sleep for a day or two. Logically she knew that it was at least a few weeks since the child had been born but to her, it was like it was hours ago.

She glanced to the side of her and smiled when the kid was walking with her, Dean just inches away as well. She reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pressing the both of them together.

A longing look appeared on his face, eyes going to Dean for a moment before he moved the rest of the way and hugged her properly, holding her.

"I got you." she whispered, wrapping her arms around him as well. She stroked at his hair and just held onto him, closing her eyes and savoring the feeling.

It was an odd idea, that she was hugging her grown son. Maybe it was him being a nephilim that he was all grown up but it was alright, it made a few things a bit easier for all of them.

"Mom?" the kid asked, his voice wavering slightly. "Can I have a name?"

Sam breathed out slowly, nodding. "Yeah, of course." she said, looking at Dean. She had toyed with naming him John, from their dad of course, but at the same time it felt a bit odd to do so. "Let me just think of a good name for you."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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**This one is relatively shorter mainly because just like Sam, I am too tired to keep writing.**


	12. Chapter 12

Sam ended up falling asleep in the passenger's seat, slipping away between one song and the other that Dean had playing on the radio. Dean glanced at her periodically to make sure that she was still asleep and to assure himself that she was in fact in his seat once more.

Reaching the bunker Dean carefully parked the car and got out, the kid following him. The kid shifted uncomfortably for a few moments, glancing at Sam in the passenger's seat but Dean moved forward to carefully and gently pick her up from her seat, carrying her bridal style.

Sam didn't stir as he moved her, she did move a bit closer to his chest as he carried her and Dean felt his throat close up for a moment, just so damn happy that she was home where she belonged.

The kid followed him, a few inches away and keeping his distance from him as best as he could while still being able to see Sam. He was also the one to go a bit farther up and open the door to Sam's room for Dean to take her in.

He placed her on the bed and removed her shoes and socks, putting them down on the ground quietly. He moved her cell phone to the nightstand from the desk where he had kept it charging and placed her wallet next to it as well. Everything he had kept safe for her once she was going to come back.

The kid was in the room as well and just stayed quiet, looking around and seeing the bits and pieces of Sam that was there. He did pull the blanket up over her to cover her a bit better and let out a small breath, watching her for a moment before he looked up at Dean.

Dean stared at him as well but then looked back to his sister, his hand going out to stroke her hair for a moment before he pulled back and turned to leave the room. He could hear the kid following after him and then the door closed to let Sam sleep peacefully.

Dean turned to look at the kid for a silent tense moment, the kid looked up at him as well but looked away, unable to look him in the eyes. Dean cleared his throat enough to get the kids attention on him again and then motioned with his finger for the kid to follow him as he walked towards the kitchen, certain that the kid came.

Once he reached the kitchen he reached into the refrigerator grab a beer. For a moment he debated to get something stronger but ruled against it, not wanting to get drunk or tipsy anymore for the time being.

He opened the bottle and drank from it, listening to how the kid sat down at the table. He looked into the refrigerator and stared at the other bottles.

"Do you drink beer?" Dean asked, his voice a bit rough.

"...I'm three and a half weeks old."

Dean turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. "So is that a yes or a no?" he asked.

The kid hesitated but then shrugged. "I don't know, I haven't drank any yet."

In an answer Dean opened another bottle and set it on the table, taking the other seat. He watched the kid gingerally take the bottle and sniff into it. He tilted the bottles contents into his mouth and coughed, making some spill over his lips. The kid wiped at his mouth and made a face, putting the bottle to the side of the table.

Despite himself Dean couldn't help but laugh at the disgusted look on the kid's face, feeling as if a small weight was lifting off of his chest the more he now watched the kid.

The kid threw a dubious look at the bottle of beer and then got up, going to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water instead, drinking from it as he sat back down.

"Its bad." he mumbled to Dean, drinking his water.

"It's an acquired taste." Dean told him, recalling how Sam had told him the same thing about coffee. "What do you like?"

The kid shrugged and looked around the kitchen. "Fruit." he said quietly. "And...cheese."

The kid most likely didn't know how to cook, nor would he have tried to get Dean's attention on him in anyway and trying to do something in the kitchen would do that. Dean also hadn't been cooking this entire time either so that left whatever was already made in the kitchen or things that didn't need to be cooked.

"Do you need to eat?" Dean asked him, drinking his beer slowly.

The kid shrugged. "I think I do. I like it." he mumbled, his eyes on the table. "If I don't my stomach hurts so I guess?"

Dean nodded at that, looking at his drink in silence. "You lied to Sam." he said, noting how the kid flinched at that. "About me. You told her that I was taking care of you."

"You are." the kid protested lightly. "I'm here, safe, and there is food."

"Kid raise your bar, it's not even high enough to trip on." Dean told him. He rolled his eyes at the confused look on the kids face. "You're putting too little necessities, there's a lot more things you need than just safety and food."

The kid rolled his water between his hands. "Like what?"

Dean breathed out slowly, averted his eyes. "Like people listening to you. People not punching you." he reached out and slammed his fist onto the table, watching the kid flinch back and pull away from the table. "Not making you feel like you need to do."

The kid swallowed hard, shaking slightly but didn't bolt out of the room. "So...I'm not being taken care of?"

"Not like how you should be." Dean told him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he hated doing this but he also knew that he had to do it. "Kid, I'm sorry."

The kid tilted his head to the side. "For what?"

"What Lucifer did to my sister, to your mom...it's horrible. There aren't enough words to describe how bad it is." Dean told him. "And that's how you came into being, Lucifer hurting her created you inside of her." He had no desire to be the one to give the kid The Talk so he was going to be as vague as possible and hope he didn't ask too many questions.

The kid nodded. "Lucifer is bad." he said. "I heard him a lot of times, he threatened mom and you and grandma."

Dean wasn't sure if he wanted to know what Lucifer had been saying back then and pushed forward. "Exactly. But he's not here-"

"Because of grandma." the kid offered, nodding with a smile.

"Because of grandma." Dean agreed. "But that just left you and me and well…." he sighed and ran his fingers through his short hair. "I was frustrated, I was angry, and I was most of all needed someone to blame. And unfortunately, there was only you."

Dean took another deep breath. "And I took it out on you and that's not fair, it wasn't right and it was far from what you deserved. I'm sorry but you don't need to accept it, you don't need to forgive and forget, you can hate me for the rest of time if you want, I know I deserve it and I know that it's the least that I can-"

He was cut off when he suddenly felt a pair of arms go around him, loosely but undeniably a hug. He looked up and saw the kids face, apprehensive yet at the same time a bit determined. When Dean didn't move to return the hug or push him away the kid tightened his arms around him, leaning in enough to press his forehead to Dean's shoulder.

"Its okay." he told him, his voice soft. "I forgive you."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	13. Chapter 13

Dean was the first one to wake up, his vision clearing slowly as he stared at his sister.

After that talk with the kid Dean had started to go to his room to go to sleep but had stopped outside of Sam's room. Not bothering to stop himself he quietly came into it, just staring at his sister for a long moment before he got into the same bed as her.

They had always been close, too close according to some people but those people can go to hell. They'd spend years sleeping in the same bed and more often than not it helped him get to sleep a lot better, knowing that the most important person in his life was safe and just centimeters away from him.

And waking up now, after weeks of having her dead and out of reach from him, opened his eyes and seeing Sam right there, still sleeping, it was one of the best sights he could ever remember seeing in his entire life.

Breathing out slowly Dean reached out and stroked at her cheek, watching her smile slightly in her sleep and let out a small sigh of her own. His fingers moved up into her hair, just stroking over everything, and marveling over the fact that she was right there with him.

After what seemed like seconds her eyes fluttered and opened, clearing as she looked at him. Sam smiled and moved slightly closer to him.

"Morning." Dean said quietly, not wanting to break the peacefulness that had surrounded them.

"Morning." Sam murmured back to him, still moving until she could press up against his side. "'ts time is it?"

"Doesn't matter." Dean said, not willing to look away from his sister just yet. Sam smiled again at him and reached for his arm, turning it to look at the watch that was still on his wrist.

"Ten thirteen." she told him, letting go of his arm and curled more into him. "Kinda late."

"Its nothing, you can rest." Dean said, wrapping his arms around her and holding her to him. "You deserve it."

"We got work to do." Sam mumbled. "We gotta focus on getting mom back, we have to help the kid, we got stuff to do."

"All that stuff can wait, you just got back from the dead." Dean told her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Rest for a bit Sammy."

For a moment, Sam didn't speak, just pressing in close to him and lost in her thoughts. "I want to name him after dad." she finally said.

Dean tried to turn that over in his mind, tried to put a connection between their dad and the kids. "It's going to be weird to call him dads name." he said.

"Yeah I know." he could almost feel her making a face. "But I want to, it feels right."

It's going to feel weird is what Dean thought, but he wasn't the kids parent, he didn't get a vote on this.

"So a whole brand new John Winchester." Dean mused. "Can we at least use a nickname and call him Johnny or something?"

"Sure." Sam said, amusement clear in her voice. "Johnny Winchester. Let's tell him the good news."

When Sam moved to get out of the bed Dean reached out and grabbed at her arm, pulling her back in and holding her close. She let him move her but looked up at him questioningly.

"Just...humor me for a moment." Dean told her, closing his eyes and just holding her, reveling in the simple, pure fact that she was here.

"I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to get you back." he whispered, feeling her hands coming up to grip at the back of his shirt. "You have no idea...I was willing to do anything I had to...to get you back."

"I know." Sam said softly, stroking at the back of his head and cheeks. "I know Dean, it's alright, I'm here. I'm alive. And you wanna know something?"

Dean looked up at her in question.

Sam stared down at him. "You have my son to thank for my being here." she told him. "You treated him like Lucifer's son, and a part of him is. But he's also my son, and you should've treated him like it."

Dean tried to close his eyes but Sam flicked at his forehead, making sure that he didn't. "I know, I apologized to him before, when you went to sleep."

"Good, but you have a longer way to go." Sam told him, keeping her gaze on him. "He's my son, not Lucifers, I don't give a damn how he came to be, I don't care..." she breathed out slowly, needing a moment to compose herself. "He's here, he's my son, that's enough for me and it should be enough for you."

Dean nodded, tightening his hold on her as best as he could. "Okay." he whispered. "I'm sorry Sammy."

Sam nodded as well at that, relaxing a bit more into the bed and his grip. "Good." she repeated softly. "He really did speak good things about you, he tried his hardest to make me believe them."

Dean finally closed his eyes and leaned his head against her collarbone. "Why didn't you believe him?"

He could feel her smile when she spoke. "Because he had the same look you always said that I had when I tried to lie to you as a kid."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	14. Chapter 14

Sam was still rubbing her eyes as she walked into the kitchen with Dean, hiding a yawn behind her hand.

"You can go back to sleep." Dean told her. "I doubt we'll get anything done today."

"No, I'm done sleeping and we are going to get things done today." Sam told him. "We have work to do and we can't ignore it. We need to focus on getting mom back from Lucifer and out of that other world."

Dean sighed but nodded, knowing quite well that there was no changing Sams mind once she was stuck on something. A part of him knew that it was futile to try to get mom back, no doubt Lucifer had already killed her just for being the reason that he was trapped there. But he had no desire to tell that to Sam, he had a feeling she knew, but he didn't want to dash any hopes that she had just yet.

Walking into the kitchen Dean was only slightly surprised when he saw that the kid was already in there, looking around and the counter was a mess of ingredients and a few open cookbooks. He looked up when the two of them walked in and his eyes widened.

"Mom! Dean." he said, glancing between them. "I didn't...I was trying to..."

Sam smiled and walked in the rest of the way, hugging him. "You were trying to make us breakfast?" she asked, looking at the mess.

The kid ducked his head and nodded, looking around as well. "I didn't...I don't know how to cook so I...I found a few cookbooks in the library and I was trying to...it's not going that well so..."

"Its fine, I can't really cook that well, other than basic meals." Sam assured him, hugging him once more. The kid almost immediately pressed into her touch, hands coming up to hug her back. "But we appreciate it."

The kid smiled and relaxed a bit more, eyes slightly closing as he savored the feeling of her hug. "I just wanted to try to help," he said softly.

"I know, thank you." Sam said, leaning in to kiss his cheek, hands coming up to cup his face for a moment, thumbs stroking over his skin. "Dean, can you make something? And if you want to learn kiddo then you can watch him."

The kid nodded and glanced at Dean, turning a bit so that he could watch Dean but not disrupt Sams hands on him. "Can I?" he asked, clearing his throat to try to speak a bit clearly after his voice wavered slightly.

"Yeah, course." Dean said almost immediately as he went to the counter and cleared a space for himself. He closed the books and pushed them to the side and reached for a carton of eggs and a slab of bacon. "Sam you want meat yet or you want a vegetarian thing?"

"Vegetarian." Sam told him. She took the kids hand in hers and squeezed it slightly, smiling at him. "What about you kiddo?"

The kid stared down at their entwined hands in wonder and squeezed back. "I...I'm not sure."

"Its fine, you can have a bit of both to see which one you like." Sam told him. "Even if you don't need to eat that much you should still find out what you like to eat."

"Okay." the kid said softly, turning to look at her once more. He just stared at her for a moment before he smiled, leaning in to press his forehead against hers. Sam smiled and did the same, holding onto him.

"ts okay sweetie." Sam said softly, stroking at his hair. "It's alright, I'm here now, it's going to be alright."

The kid swallowed hard and nodded, taking a deep shuddering breath. He needed one more moment to compose himself and then turned back to Dean to watch what he was doing.

Dean turned his attention back to making breakfast for them. He made a vegetarian omelet for Sam and a bacon cheese filled one for himself. He made enough for the kid to have half of each and then grabbed poured them some coffee. Sam had set the table and the three of them sat down to eat.

"You asked for a name yesterday." Sam said, taking her seat and drinking her coffee. The kid immediately perked up, eyes wide. "So Dean and I decided, and I had decided a while back, about what to name you. I wanted to name you after our dad, John."

The kid nodded rapidly, leaning forward. "Okay, okay, after grandpa." he said eagerly. "So thats my name? John Winchester?"

Sam smiled and nodded, reaching out to take his hand in hers. "It's a bit stern so for now, maybe Johnny?" she suggested. "But yeah, your full name is John Winchester now."

The kid, Johnny, smiled brightly at that, laughing softly in delight. "John Winchester." he whispered, nodding. "Thank you."

"You're welcome sweetie." Sam said, rubbing at his hand. She looked at Dean and raised an eyebrow at him.

Dean cleared his throat, shifting in his seat, and nodded, giving the kid a small smile when he looked at him. "Johnny." he said softly. "Welcome to the family."

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	15. Chapter 15

As per their old agreement Dean cooked the meal, Sam was the one to do the dishes. Once they finished eating Sam got up and took the dishes, going to the sink. Johnny almost immediately jumped up to help her, gathering the rest of the dishes from the stove and watching what she did.

Dean watched her show Johnny how to dry the dishes she had washed, giving him a small hand towel to use. He watched her smile at him and how he smiled back at her.

Dean got up and walked over to Sam. She glanced at him over her shoulder questioningly but didn't stop washing.

Wordlessly Dean reached out for her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Sam stopped washing the dishes and let them slide back down into the sink. Her hands came up to hold onto his and Dean moved his fingers enough to grip at her.

Sam let him pull her body to him, pressing them flush together, tilting her head back so that it could lay down on his shoulder.

Dean just held onto her, breathing her in, simply savoring the feeling of her in his arms and her scent surrounding him.

The bunker had been lonely and cold without her, a pressure that pushed down on him more and more to the point that he couldn't breathe.

And now she was back, now she was here again.

And he could breathe again.

"I've missed you." he whispered into her cheek, eyes closed as he just held her.

"I'm here." Sam told him, holding onto him for a moment longer before she pulled away enough to be able to hug him properly. "I'm here."

He could feel Johnny staring at them but for a moment he didn't care, he just wanted to feel his sister in his arms again, have the ability to just know that she was alive and she was okay and she was here where she belonged.

After what felt like an eternity Dean loosened his grip and stepped away enough for her to turn back to the sink and finish washing the dishes, handing them to Johnny to dry who did so without saying a word.

"Now that that's out of the way." Sam said, turning the sink off and drying off her hands. "Now, let's talk about mom."

"Sam." Dean said with a sigh, running his fingers through his short hair. "I don't think we can really talk about mom."

Sam shot him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't think she's alive anymore." Dean told her, watching hurt flicker over her face. "She's trapped in another universe, a bad one, with Lucifer, and-"

Whatever else he was about to say about mom stopped immediately because at the mere mention of Lucifer's name made Sam go white and her legs shake, her hand coming out to grip at the wall for support.

"Sam?" he asked, shooting forward to hold onto his sister at the same time Johnny reached for her saying, "Mom?"

Sam closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath before she straightened up once more. "I'm fine, I'm okay." she tried to reassure them with a shaky smile. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not." Dean told her, taking her by the arm gently and moving to sit her down at the table. "C'mon Sam, you just got back to life and the last time you were alive…" he hesitated but then continued. "You weren't exactly in the best condition."

"Dean, I'm fine." Sam repeated. Johnny went to the refrigerator to get her a cold water bottle and she smiled at him when he handed it to her. "Thank you sweetie, I'm okay."

"Mom." Johnny said, looking lost for a few moments. "I...I remember those times too. I remember...being in you and I could hear everything and...I remember him too."

"I remember him hurting you, and I remember what he said he was going to do to you, I didn't understand it but...I could feel you. Feel how you were reacting to it and I knew that...it was bad." he continued. "He-"

"Stop." Sam told him, eyes closing once more. "You don't need to keep talking about it, I was there. I remember."

"All the more reason to just...keep it easy, lay low for a bit and recover." Dean told her, coming closer to her and reaching to take her hand in his. Johnny glanced at the movement and then did the same, taking her other hand.

"Even if we could do something, we don't know how to get to the other universe." Dean continued. "So regardless, we need to relax and you need to recover, notihngs going to get done anytime soon."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	16. Chapter 16

**Trigger Warning: Lots of mention of past rape in this chapter.**

Sam leaned back in her bed, staring at her laptop on her lap. Her fingers laid on the keyboard as she tried to figure out what to type in.

They had spent the entire day so far just relaxing. They chose her bedroom and her bed to spend the day in and they were introducing Johnny to Netflix and all the tv shows that were on there. He liked Star Wars a lot and Sam enjoyed teasing him a bit at that.

Dean was still hesitant to approach him completely. He started to but then pulled back, forcing himself to stop and Sam would either keep talking for him or smack his arm to keep him in place.

But it was getting better for the both of them. Johnny was still a bit skittish but at the same time he wanted to get as close as he could to Dean, all but clinging to him when he wasn't clinging to her.

The both of them had gone to get lunch. Dean was making something and Johnny had gone with him to watch and learn how to cook more things, so she took these few moments being alone to do something she...maybe wanted to do.

Sam sighed, rubbing at her eyes as she moved her finger over the mousepad, making the screen lit up again. She went to google and just stared at it.

Slowly she started to type words out, immediately deleting it, and closing her eyes, shaking her head. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes once more, trying to at the very least type it out.

'_How to get over rape.'_

Sam shook her head and immediately deleted it, glancing up at the doorway as if either Dean or Johnny was about to appear there and ask what she was doing.

She looked back at the search engine, fingers hesitating.

'_Pregnancy by rape.'_

That didn't feel right either and she deleted it, leaning back against the headboard and trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

Could she even call it that? Was that what it had been? It hadn't even been about the sexual part, Luci- he didn't care about that. He wanted the power to be held over her, hold her life in his hands, mock her in that she was helpless in what he was doing to her.

The only reason it hadn't happened in the cage was because he lacked a body there, otherwise he would've done it there too.

'_Is it rape if its not about sex?'_

She deleted it again, noting that her fingers were shaking slightly and she curled them into a fist to try to steady them or at least hide what was happening.

What was she even looking for? She couldn't go to any support groups, her entire life had no place in a support group, let alone the last few months the last time she had been alive.

Maybe she was looking for advice? Advice of some sort of how to deal with everything?

But how could she deal with seeing those red eyes at the edges of her vision? How could she deal with the burning grace that seared her skin when he gripped at her back when she had been pregnant? How could she deal with those times he would throw holy water at her and just by having his child inside of her making her burn, laughing when she screamed?

The baby in the end always healed her. Always wiped all the pain away and healed her completely and that much gave her a bit of hope for the child. Despite being in pain she was still properly incubating the baby and therefore there had been no reason for it to heal her but...it still did. It healed her completely and entirely and at night when it was the worst, when the loneliness and fear overcame her entirely she was filled with a warmth and knowledge that she was not alone.

That was what made her have hope the most. The knowledge that the baby was healing her and trying to help as best as it could. It wasn't strong enough to kill Lucifer or do anything to him. But the child protected her from another yellow eyed demon, Daigon, that had tried to hurt her.

Towards the end Lucifer was the only one that had been able to call the child's power, growing more and more angry each time that he had to fight for it and would always try to take it out on her in any way that he could.

And when the time had come to give birth? Grace coursing through the air? By herself on the ground of an abandoned cabin with Lucifer staring at her?

Well...there aren't really any words for it truth be told.

But then Dean, Mary, and Cas had broken down the door, bursting in and armed to the tee. They had dragged Lucifer out and Dean had gone to her side, just holding her and whispering reassurances into her ear.

She remembered the pain. She remembered the feeling of being cracked into two.

She remembered hearing Mary scream outside and how Dean had hesitated and she had told him to go, check on them to make sure Lucifer hadn't killed them.

He hadn't wanted to but she pushed him, needing to know that they were alright. He had promised her that he'd be right back, running to make sure that they were fine.

But almost like a lever had been pulled. The moment Dean was gone the contractions had gone from bad to worse and before she knew it, it was time to give birth.

And she did. She gave birth on the floor of an abandoned cabin all alone in the worst pain since her time in the cage.

And then she died.

Sam closed her eyes, trying to maintain her breathing, tried to keep a rhythm in an attempt to not hyperventilate. When she opened her eyes again she was staring at the blank google search screen.

'_How to get over rape'_

She had already typed that she realized. She hadn't really looked at anything under that or any of that search so it didn't matter if she had typed it before, she wasn't actually getting anything.

Finally she retyped it and before she thought about it anymore she clicked enter and watched the articles appear on the screen. She forced herself to move down the page, yet yet opening any of them but reading the small excerpts that was there.

On the bottom were other possible searches and she looked those over too.

'_Rape crisis center'_

'_Abortion after rape'_

'_Sex after rape'_

'_Why was I raped?'_

Sam stared at the last one, that was something that had been ripping into her again and again, ever since Lucifer had taken her.

Where had he gotten the idea? He had never even mentioned a possibility at all in the past of nephilim. The beginning had been a blur, something she didn't want to remember.

Shaking her head, she looked at the last recommended search, feeling her chest tighten at it.

'_How do I move on from being raped?'_

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	17. Chapter 17

Johnny couldn't stop smiling as he chopped carrots, making sure that each piece was the same size as the last. Once he was done chopping he carefully picked the board up and put the carrots into the stew that was cooking on the stove.

Dean was doing something similar, he was cutting something up at the counter and throwing it into the pot boiling at his side. Johnny glanced into the pot, reaching for the spoon to stir it.

"What are we making?" he asked Dean, breathing the scent in deeply, whatever it was it was good.

"Stew, it's really good." Dean told him, handing him a pan. "Put this in the oven, its bread." he added, seeing the question already on Johnny's face.

Johnny glanced down at the mess of...something, resisting the urge to poke at it. It was sticking to the sides of the pan and while he could see the coloring, he couldn't see how it would turn into bread but he obediently put it into the already hot oven.

"What are you smiling about so much?" Dean asked, turning back to the counter and grabbing a cloth to clean it.

"I have mom, I have you, and I have a name." Johnny said with another smile. "Why shouldn't I be happy?"

Dean glanced at him but smiled slightly as well, cleaning the counter. "Yeah, guess those are good." he said softly. He tossed the cloth to the side once he was done. "And can we talk about something? Away from Sam?"

Johnny looked at him, a bit nervous, but nodded, turning to face him completely. "About what?"

"When you were born you created a crack in the universe, it opened a hole to another world, and that's where our mom is." Dean watched Johnny hesitantly nod at that. "Can you do it again?"

"I...I don't know." Johnny said after a moment's thought, uncertain. "I didn't mean to do it before, I wasn't in control of it, I don't..."

"What if you learn how to use your powers?" Dean asked. "If you learn how to control it you can maybe do it again?"

"I don't know." Johnny said honestly. "Dean, I don't know how that...opening happened, I didn't want to create it, it just happened."

"According to the lore, the nephilim surpasses their angelic parents." Dean told him. "Meaning that you're going to be stronger than an archangel."

Johnny finally looked away from him, shifting in place and wringing his hands together. "You don't even think grandmas alive." he mumbled. "You said it yourself, Lucifer isn't going to keep her alive. So why try to get there?"

"Because Sam thinks that she's still alive." Dean told him. "And once she gets her mind set on something she refuses to let it go and will try to solve it until the very end. So I want to figure out if there's even a reason for her to try."

"Are you trying to stop me from attempting to open another doorway to that universe?" Johnny asked. "Or are you trying to figure out if I can?"

"Little bit of both." Dean told him truthfully, turning back to the stove to look into the stew pot. "Frankly, if it was up to me? I'd keep that door nice and shut, make sure that Lucifer can never escape from it, make sure that he doesn't even get the slight chance to get free."

Johnny had to agree to that, remembering the fear that his mom had felt from him and the second hand fear he had felt in return. "I don't want him here either." he said quietly.

Dean nodded at that. "Then we're in agreement, we don't do anything that could end up bringing Lucifer here." he said.

"But what do I do if she asks me to open it?" Johnny asked, reaching up to tug at his hair. "I can't just...say no."

"Yeah you can, it's your powers so you get to decide what to do with them." Dean said. "You just say no."

"But she's my mom." Johnny protested lightly. "I have to listen to her."

"Kid, you're your own person, you don't need to listen to her." Dean told him firmly. "You get to decide what you do with those powers and seeing as you want to keep Lucifer as far away from her as possible? I'd recommend saying no to her."

"But you also said that...the nephilim surpasses their angel parent." Johnny reminded him. "So that means I get stronger than Lucifer, which means that I can fight him."

"Okay I don't like where you're going with this."

"Well, think about it." Johnny said, straightening up slightly. "If mom is right and grandma is alive in that other world, you said it was because of me that the doorway opened and she got stuck there with Lucifer." he nodded and started to pace around the kitchen. "So if I get strong enough, if I can control my powers enough, I can open another doorway to find grandma." he looked up at Dean and his eyes flashed golden. "And if Lucifer is there and tries to attack us, that means that I'll be strong enough to kill him."

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	18. Chapter 18

Sam had decided to take a shower instead of doing anything else. Her searching on her laptop was giving her no results and Dean and Johnny were still cooking, she didn't want to bother them, she wanted her own thoughts for the time being.

Dean hadn't moved anything, leaving all of her things in the same place she had left them. She grabbed a fresh pair of clothes to change into and stepped into the shower, making it as hot as she could handle.

She tilted her head back to let the water wash over her, hands coming up to grip at her arms as she tried to breathe in and out slowly. She grabbed her shower gel and poured it over her loofah, slowly washing herself with it.

Bit by bit her motions started to get rougher and rougher, the fabric scrapping along her skin until it started to irritate it. She scrubbed harder and harder, almost relishing in the pain of it. Her nails started to get dragged along as well, cushioned slightly by the fabric, but soon enough red lines started to appear from them.

A choked sound escaped her as she continued, everything fading as she tried as hard as she could to scrub herself clean. She wanted to dig under her skin, wanted to rip it off and rip herself free. She wanted to tear away the parts of her that Lucifer touched and she wanted to clean herself of him.

Her nails raked over her skin and she didn't care how it tore into her, didn't care how the repeated motion made blood start to sluggishly move down her body, staining both her and the bathtub.

She wasn't even aware that her legs weren't holding her up anymore, having all but collapsed onto the floor of the bathtub, sobbing and choking, her arm moving weakly as she tried to keep cleaning herself.

Dimly she could hear the door open and a rush of light suddenly filled her vision as she breathed heavily, not even trying to control herself anymore.

"Sammy? Sammy!" Dean's voice called to her, as she choked and tried to focus. The water was turned off and tender hands were cupping her face. "Sammy?"

A small, cut off whimper escaped her and she leaned into his touch, hands coming up to grasp at him clumsily. She didn't care that she was naked, they had seen each other naked countless times, all she needed was her brother, needed him to be her stone number one again.

A towel was wrapped around her and carefully Dean picked her up bridal style, carrying her carefully and closely.

She didn't bother to try to move, didn't bother to try to talk, didn't bother to do anything. Just let her brother carry her back into her bed, sitting down on the edge, and just holding her, rocking her back and forth. She could feel the vibrations of his murmurs, whatever he was saying.

It didn't matter what he was saying, it just mattered that he was here and he was with her, that he was comforting her as best as he could and that was all she needed. She could feel a small pain in her arms when Dean touched them lightly, her nails having done quite a bit of damage on her skin.

"Mom?" came a broken, scared filled voice. She still couldn't force her vision to clear but she tried to turn towards the source of the voice. She could feel someone else there, just inches away, another comforting presence that she could register as family.

Another pair of hands held onto one of her hands, curling around her comfortingly. Dimly she could hear the kid almost crying softly, but his hands were steady and with Deans arms around her as well, she felt herself slowly start to relax.

A warmth radiated from the hands that were holding hers that slowly spread over her entire body and carefully, piece by piece, she could feel her body heal over. The cuts she had managed to make healed over and whatever blood that had been spilled faded from her skin.

"Its okay, we got you Sammy." Dean whispered, rocking her back and forth a bit more. The other pair, Johnny a corner of her mind told her, held tighter onto her hand. "We got you, it's going to be okay."

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	19. Chapter 19

Johnny remembered Lucifer.

He remembered hearing his voice. Remembering feeling his grace all but suffocating him.

The worst thing he remembered was feeling moms fear surrounding him. He remembered how her heart raced and how her body would react, reaching a point in which her entire body was close to shutting down.

He tried to help, he remembered that. He tried to calm her down and tried to steady her body back into balance.

Looking back, he was sure that his manipulations made things worse for her but he didn't know that at the time. He had just wanted to help.

He remembered hearing his mom's voice talking to him. He remembered curling up as close as he could to her. He tried to not hurt her, tried to keep her safe, tried to help in any way that he could.

But it didn't matter. Nothing he did mattered. Because in the end...

In the end his very existence destroyed her inside and out. Him being where he was given Lucifer the advantage to hurt her and he did so a lot.

She screamed a lot back then. Whenever he did decide to go to sleep he heard her screams and well...

He didn't decide to go to sleep that often.

And when he was born, he remembered that too. He remembered his own grace and soul coursing, being pressed down and forced into a shape he didn't want.

Instinctively he knew that he couldn't be born a child, he was in danger out there and he needed to be prepared.

But he tried to stop it, tried to force himself to not listen to instinct. Tried to hold himself together as small as possible to not hurt her.

To not kill her.

But it didn't work. No matter what he tried. He still hurt her.

And then he killed her.

He didn't understand why Lucifer would've thought that he would side with him. Why he thought that Johnny would even want to be in the same room as him.

Why would he have wanted to be with the person that was responsible for inflicting so much pain on his mother?

Why would he want to have anything to do with Lucifer after he tortured his mother?

Why would he want to have anything to do with the being that had ensured that his mother would die painfully?

After what seemed like forever mom had finally calmed down and fell asleep, drained and exhausted. He couldn't get the image out of his mind. Seeing her gasping for air, sobbing and barely able to calm herself down.

He couldn't get the image of her nail marks on her skin, self inflicted and just a bit too deep.

Dean didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to put her down onto the bed. He had a stricken look on his face that Johnny couldn't look at anymore, he had to leave the room and slowly walk back towards the kitchen.

He knew that Lucifer was alive, he could feel a part of him being pulled towards Lucifer, a part that knew that he was still in existence. And truth be told, he wanted to go and follow that line, follow the path to find Lucifer.

And use every last bit of his power to make the former angel be in as much pain as possible, as much pain as he had put his mother in.

Before killing him for good.

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	20. Chapter 20

Dean wasn't coming back to the kitchen and the pot was bubbling over.

Johnny glanced nervously towards the doorway leading to his mom's room and then back at the pot, the cover was starting to be pushed off from the bubbles and he was sure that that wasn't supposed to be happening.

Looking towards the door once more Johnny slowly went to the stove, grabbing the wooden spoon almost in defense. He had seen Dean do this, he knew what to do. Slowly he placed it into the pot and stirred, sighing in relief as the bubbles started to fall back into the stew. He turned the fire off and glanced into the pot, relaxing at the smell coming from it.

It did smell really yummy, Dean had called it stew, and Johnny kept stirring at it, seeing the bits and pieces of vegetables and meat Dean had put into it.

Bread. The bread was also in the oven, Johnny quickly moved opening the oven and staring at it uncertainly. He glanced towards moms room once more but once again, there was no one coming. He reached out and grabbed the pan, barely keeping himself from shouting as he let go and stepped back.

The pan had burned his hand and he gripped at it, hissing slightly as he watched his skin redden and tighten.

He looked up towards the room once more, not sure of what to do. Getting hurt meant that he needed to treat it, that's what the first aid book he had read said. But he wasn't sure what to classify this, there was no blood and already the pain was starting to lessen.

He was about to go to the sink to wash his hand at least when he stopped, watching a small golden light appear around his hand, pulsating once and then disappearing, his hand completely fine.

Johnny let out a small sigh, turning his hand over to look at it, uncertain of how to feel about what had happened.

He was a nephilim, half human and half angel, archangel to be precise. He already knew how he felt about his so called father, Lucifer, and wished nothing more than his most painful death.

And then there was the human side of him from his mother, Sam. He felt more human than angel at times, feeling everything so sharply that sometimes he couldn't breathe. He wasn't sure if that was a part of being human or just who he was.

He wanted to talk to his mom about this, he wanted to talk to her about who he was and how to deal with it and everything else.

He felt torn, there was no other way to put it. Torn towards the pull towards heaven that he knew was the angels trying to manipulate him, that was something that his mom had told him when she had been pregnant with him. And at the same time he could feel the desire to stay on earth, stay with the humans and Dean and mom.

And then there was that third part of him, a part he was firmly ignoring and was pushing down as far as he could.

A third part that he felt was dragging him down, towards hell, towards the demons, towards everything underground.

He wasn't quite sure where that part came from, maybe it was because of Lucifer being the devil and ruling hell, maybe something else. He wasn't sure and ultimately he didn't care.

He knew where he belonged and it was right here, at home with his mom and his uncle, finally a family with the three of them.

He moved carefully, pouring everything into three bowls, making sure that not a single drop fell to the counter. He looked it over and nodded, smiling a bit that he managed to do this.

Right now it is the best and the only thing he could do. He didn't know how to help mom like Dean knew but at the very least, he could bring food to her room and they could eat together as a family.

The word warmed his chest and his smile widened. Carefully picking everything up on the tray, it was a bit heavy with the food and everything else weighing down on it, but he could carry it. He could carry anything for his family.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	21. Chapter 21

The trick was to ignore it and keep moving forward, ignore that it ever happened and pretend that it didn't.

At least that had always been her plan, had always been what needed to happen. Her trauma was one that had always needed to be pushed to the side and away, needing to focus on other more important things.

She never had the privilege of facing her trauma headon, there was always something else that needed to be taken care of or something that required her attention and as a result once it was done there was something new. A new problem, a new adversary, a new trauma.

So she adapted, she forced everything down to the depths of her heart and mind and ignored herself. Ignored how she reacted to certain things, ignored how sometimes it felt like she couldn't breathe, ignored her trauma and everything else about it.

Doing so created a wall, created a block that kept her away from really facing her problems, helped her keep everything at bay, helped her to just pretend that those things had never happened.

Sweep everything under a rug protected with salt and silver, never prying it open, never acknowledging it.

It wasn't the most healthy way but add a few layers of whiskey and she had the Winchester method of dealing with things and prospering.

But this time it was different, it was completely different. If it had been any other time then Sam would've just done the same thing, swepted everything away and pretending that it never happened, didn't exist, nothing no thank you.

But this time...there was something she couldn't ignore, she didn't want to ignore it in the slightest.

Johnny. Her son. The living breathing existing proof of what had happened to her, her trauma sitting right in front of her with a smile.

It wasn't his fault, she could never fault him for his existence. It wasn't anywhere near his fault of how he came to being. She's experienced sins of the father suffer the child and there was no reason for it, Johnny was an innocent in this in every way.

But at the same time, he was right in front of her. He looked like what she would sometimes imagine she would look like as a guy, tall and hints of how broad he'll be, dimples, and handsome, his hair was long enough to frame his face, and he so curious about everything.

But then there was his eyes. The shape was hers, the type was hers, everything about it was hers.

Except the shade, the coloring. All of that belonged to Luci-.

To Luci-

To him.

And because of that, every time she looked at him in the eyes she just remembered everything. Remembered those six months, remembered the pain and the humiliation.

It wasn't his fault, even when she had been pregnant with him he had tried to help her as best as he could. He wasn't him, he wasn't anywhere near him, none of this was his fault and she couldn't hold it to him.

But it also meant that she couldn't ignore it, she couldn't ignore what had happened to her, can't sweep it under her own created rug, can't pretend that it never happened.

It was maddening.

They were on her bed once more, Dean had calmed her down from her panic attack. They were just laying there and her blanket over her. Dean was on one side, arm over her shoulders and just holding her close against his side. Johnny was on her other side, curled up close to her. All three of them were watching the movie plays on the tv but she could feel how each of them would sometimes look at her.

Sometimes she'd catch one of their eyes and she'd smile as reassuring as she could, mentally already pushing everything that she needed to the back of her mind as far as it went. Pushing everything back under the carpet where it belonged.

But every time she'd meet Johnny's eyes everything was pushed right back to the forefront and she couldn't ignore it.

Rinse and repeat, over and over again.

It wasn't going to work, doing what she used to before, she wasn't going to be able to live like this, constantly being reminded of what had happened to her in such a way. She was going to go insane if she kept having to face it again and again like this.

Making a decision, Sam burrows deeper into her blanket and bed, watching the movie unseeingly.

For the first time in her life…

She was going to have to face her trauma.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	22. Chapter 22

It was easier said than done.

She wasn't quite sure how to do this, she wasn't sure how to take that first step. So she did what she did best, she did her research.

She went back to her previous searches and reread those articles, opening a word document to keep track of her notes.

The majority of the notes were all the same, giving the same advice no matter where she looked. Some she was able to do, some she wasn't.

One of the biggest pieces was to join a support group, find other people to talk about this and she knew that that was not a possibility before she even finished reading the sentence.

She couldn't explain this to anyone outside of their, very, small group. That option was out immediately.

The second was that she shouldn't isolate herself, that she shouldn't close herself off and ignore it, she was trying to do that. Trying and mostly failing at it had to mean something that she was trying, right?

The only person, the only being who she could talk to was Dean. And she knew that he would listen, she knew he would do whatever he needed to do to help her feel better and help her get over what had happened.

But he was also going to blame himself for allowing it to happen. He already felt the guilt tenfold, she didn't want to increase it.

But it was also a start somewhere, she needed to talk to him about it and maybe it would help the both of them. The question was how would she approach and start it? Neither of them were big on talking things out, or talking about things that bothered them. And when it came to a head, when neither of them were able to hide it anymore?

Fists flew just as fast as insults. They had physically fought twice against one another. The first time had been after she had escaped from Bobby's panic room and met up with Ruby hours before she killed Lilith and the second time had been when they were both possessed after Dean had come back from purgatory.

But to the point of the matter, they were both older and wiser now and maybe it was time to stop hiding things and start talking about them instead.

He was her brother, the only family she had left other than her son, he was her everything. They went through literal heaven and hell together and quite frankly, she was tired of it all and just...wanted to be able to talk to him.

A knock at her door got her attention and she quickly minimize all her windows until just her email was being shown. She looked up at the door and called out, "Come in."

Johnny opened the door, staring at her for a moment before he smiled. "You okay mom?" he asked softly, closing the door behind him as he came into her room.

Sam moved a bit on the bed to make room for him and at the movement he crossed the room to sit on the edge of her bed. "I'm fine." she said with a smile. "Where's Dean?"

"He's on the phone, he's talking to someone named Jody." Johnny told her, fidgeting with his fingers on his lap. She smiled at the motion, remembering how she would play with the skin around her nails as well. "I just...wanted to check on you."

"I'm alright." she assured him, patting to the side of her. Johnny hesitated but then climbed onto the bed completely, curling up against her side as she wrapped her arm around him.

"I think you got something on your mind kiddo." Sam said softly, it was easier to focus on him and his problems than it was to focus on hers. She knew that it was another avoidance tactic but she couldn't help it.

Besides, this was her son and she wanted to help him.

The thought was still kinda jarring to be honest. Her son, she had a son. She had given birth to a nephilim, the act killed her and he brought her back to life.

Back in the past she did sometimes think about having children, mainly when she had been at Stanford and was thinking about her normal life and everything that it would entail.

Of course due to the fact that she had been dating Jessica Moore it meant that their options on children were a bit more limited but Jess had always wanted to have kids one way or the other and back then, Sam was willing to do anything for her.

But once she got back into hunting, back to just having her brother by her side, all that was put to the side and pushed firmly away. She had lived as a child in the hunting life and she had no desire to put another child through that, especially not her own.

So she ignored the pangs and the thoughts, she ignored the call of a normal life and she ignored how some people would whisper about it.

Not to mention the thought of having another man in her life, a husband or boyfriend of some sort, was...not what she wanted. Not in the slightest. She had dated men before, she knew she was attracted to them on a physical and emotional level, she just...could never have them be on the same level as Dean.

She also knew that that was just as fucked up and another level of weird to their lives but it was the truth. In her most secretive moments that she allowed herself to daydream about having a normal life and a child and a dog...there was no husband. There was no wife. It had just been her, the child, and Dean. She never needed anyone else to be intruding in their lives.

Mainly because no one else would ever come close to understanding their relationship, at times she didn't understand it, but that was alright. No one had the right to try to butt their heads into their business.

Well Johnny had the right, he was her son and Deans nephew so he had the right to slide into their lives and be a part of it. She tightened her arms around him and held him closer.

But...at the same time...there was something bothering her.

"Johnny?" she said softly, immediately getting his attention on her.

"Can you tell me a bit more about what happened while it was just you and Dean?"

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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**I am debating to make this Wincest, how would you guys feel about that?**


	23. Chapter 23

Dean frowned at the recipe he was looking up, trying to understand how to make it work properly.

"There has to be another way to do this." he muttered under his breath as he glanced at the counter. It was a stupid vegan meal, he remembered that Sam had been toying with the idea of becoming vegan before the whole mess had happened, and now he was trying to figure out how to make those things come true.

"There is no way that something without eggs or flour or butter is going to bake properly." he said, shaking his head. But he'd try it, more surprising things have happened.

He glanced up when he heard Sam coming into the kitchen. "Hey, how are you?" he asked, turning to face her. He resisted the urge to go to her and hug her, reaching back to hold onto the counter instead.

"I'm alright, a lot better now." she said, sitting at the table and looking up at him with a guarded look on her face. Instantly Dean was on guard and straightened up.

"What's wrong?" he asked, crossing the kitchen to get by her side.

Sam took a deep breath, fingers curling slightly on top of the table. She then spoke words that never failed to strike fear and terror into his heart.

"We need to talk." Sam told him firmly, staring at him intensely.

Swallowing hard Dean went to the fridge to grab both of them a bottle of beer, opening it and setting one in front of her. He took a deep pull from his own bottle and slowly sat down across from her. "Okay."

Sam stared at the bottle in front of her for a moment, reaching out to roll it between her hands. Johnny had done the same thing, Dean remembered with a small pang. The more that both of them were together, the more things he managed to see that they had in common.

The more Johnny reminded him of when Sam had been younger as well.

"Okay." Dean said once more, leaning back in his seat and pushed whatever meager notes he had away to the side. "What do we need to talk about?"

"You tell me." Sam told him, staring at him, hands curled around the bottle but not drinking just yet. "Anything you want to tell me?"

There was really one thing that could make Sam have that look on her face, one thing that could make her want to talk to him like this, one thing that changed in their lives so much.

"Johnny." Dean said, watching her nod. He took a deep breath, rubbing at his eyes for a moment. "What did he say?"

"You tell me." Sam said once more. "What do you think he told me?"

Dean took a deep breath, swallowing another mouthful of beer. He hated the feeling growing in the pit in his stomach, gritting his teeth.

Sam was just staring at him, seemingly in no rush to say anything as he felt the turmoil go through him, made all the worse with each second that passed.

He fucked up. He knew he fucked up.

And it was time to pay the piper.

Sam watched him and took a deep breath of her own, finally drinking from her bottle.

"Johnny tried his best to lie." Sam told him. "Kept saying the same things over and over again, that you were taking care of him. That you were being nice to him. That you were being a good uncle to him."

God the kid really was like Sam, too much like Sam. Trying to protect him even after all the crap that he had pulled on him.

"So I'm going to give you a chance." Sam continued, watching him. "I know I talked about it before but we're well rested, we're here and we're going to really talk about this. Is what he saying true? Were you a good uncle? Were you taking care of him?"

"No." Dean said, averting his eyes for a moment before forcing himself to look at his sister once more.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I broke him too and he eventually told me the truth." she said. "He told me everything. From the moment that you saw him in the cabin to the moment that the both of you went to pick me up."

Sam took a deep breath, giving him a leveled look. "So now, we need to talk."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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**Shorter chapter tonight because I'm too tired to write anymore.**


	24. Chapter 24

"I'm going to start, I'll tell you what he told me first." Sam told him, hands folded in front of her. "Stop me if I'm telling the truth."

Dean swallowed and nodded, taking a deep breath. "Okay." he said softly.

"He said that once he was born, once he realized what had happened and you came into the room a few minutes after that." Sam told him. "He said that you recognized him and you went to him, he was naked so you wrapped your jacket around him."

_"Sam!" the choked scream escaped his lips, stumbling against the doorway as he tried to hurry inside the cabin. _

_Everything was happening too fast, too damn fast, one right after the other. Crowley had sacrificed himself to trap Lucifer but Lucifer had still managed to escape, killing Cas right in front of them. His sister screaming from the cabin that was alight in a golden light that could only be the nephilim. _

_Then their mother, trying to attack Lucifer, defending him from the devil, being pulled along with him into the other world just as the opening closed. _

_And the screams behind him stopped. Along with the rest of the world._

_So he moved to the last sign of life, the last bit that made sense, what he always did. _

_He went back to where his sister was._

_Coming into the cabin his sister was on the ground, unmoving, spread out and eyes open, unseeing. He didn't need to check, he already knew. _

_His sister was dead. _

_And the reason was standing a few feet away, eyes alight in the same golden light that had been lighting up the cabin and the portal to the other world. It tilted its head to the side, naked and grown, slowly taking a step towards him. _

_Dean stared at the thing in horror, barely able to breathe, every last part of him shaking in an emotion that he couldn't name. _

_The thing just stared at him, blinking and slowly moving, as if getting used to its limbs. Slowly it turned its head and looked at Sam on the ground. _

_Dean felt something inside of him snap and he brought his gun up, shooting at the thing, the force making it stumble back but otherwise, nothing else happened to it. _

"Then he said that you focused on my body, you explained to him that you needed to burn it, a proper hunters pyre." Sam continued. "You answered all the questions he had about it."

_Once he was out of bullets he dropped the gun and moved forward, grabbing it by the arm and pulling it up. The thing didn't do anything to stop him, stumbling and falling to the ground, only being held up by Deans grip on his arm. _

_Dean tightened his grip on its arm, watching the skin around it start to discolor, and threw him across the cabin, not caring how he slammed against the wall making the entire thing shake. _

"_Heal her." he could barely recognize his own voice. "Bring her back. Heal her!"_

_It looked at Sam and what Dean swore was a small whimper escaped him as his eyes raked over Sam's dead body. "He-heal?"_

"_Heal her! You're an angel! Heal her!" _

_It kept looking at Sam and then back at Dean, breathing heavily and not moving. _

"_I...I don't know..."_

_Gritting his teeth Dean moved forward and grabbed at it again, pulling it up enough so that he would punch it in the face and letting it fall to the ground once more. _

"He then said that both of you took care of my body."

_Turning away from it Dean went to his sister, falling to his knees beside her dead body. He reached for her and almost tenderly picked her up, holding her to chest as he tried to figure out what to do, what he could even do, about this._

_Breathing heavily, Dean just held her to him, gripping her tightly as he curled his body around hers. _

_This was too reminiscent of when Jake had killed her back at Cold Oak because of Azazel. Being too little too late to save her. _

_Only this time she had died alone, giving birth to the thing that killed her. _

_Only this time there was no demon that was willing to trade his soul away for her to come back to life. _

_Dean isn't sure how long he stays like that, stays in the same position just holding onto his little sisters body. This was the only thing that mattered, nothing else did. It was his sister, the only piece he that he knew and could always count on, the only family that he had leaned against and had raised for so long. _

_And she had died on a dirty cabin floor, alone, in the worst pain possible, because of a nephilim. _

_And he hadn't been able to do a single thing to stop it from happening, from stopping any of it. _

_He failed. He completely and utterly failed at being Sams brother, at being her confident, at just being there for her. He failed and he wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to make it up to her. _

_From the corner of his eye he could see it standing up on shaking legs, wrapping its arms around itself as the cabin shook from the wind outside. _

_A part of his mind tried to reconcile everything, tried to put the pieces together and make him move, make him do something. _

_That thing, that nephilim, that killed his sister...was hers. It was her son that she had given birth to. It was her son that had been forced onto her. _

_It was his nephew. _

_But holding onto his sister's dead body? Looking up to see the nephilim staring at both of them? Seeing its golden grace staring at him with Lucifer's eyes? _

_All he could see was his sister's killer._

"So Dean, tell me. Did he tell me the truth?"

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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**Just as a note, this chapter is not meant as Dean hate in anyway. This story is not meant as Dean hate in anyway. Dean without his sibling, be that female or male Sam, is always a wildfire that doesn't give a damn about anything other than getting them back.**


	25. Chapter 25

For a few moments, Dean didn't speak. He wasn't sure what to even say at this point, if there even was anything that he could say.

Sam didn't seem to be in any rush, just staring at him with her hands clasped in front of her on the table. The most surprising, however, was her eyes.

There was no condemnation that he had thought there would be. There was no anger, no hate, not even sadness.

It was acceptance, more or less; it was understanding. It was a touch of something he didn't know how to read but at the same time, he knew that it wasn't an accusatory like he thought she was going to be.

And that hurt more than if she had punched him and broke his nose, she was due a punch at him and it was long overdue for her to collect.

"You know how you told me that I have a habit of downplaying anything that happens to me?" she asked quietly. "That I say it's no big deal even when it is?" She gave a small laugh. "I think I finally get your frustration with me, Johnny's the same."

"Kid takes after you." Dean managed to speak, needing to clear his throat a few times to let the words go. "Sam...I..."

"The thing is...I'm not surprised." Sam injected first, playing with her fingers. "Not really. It's kinda been..." she paused, searching for the right words. "You and I...it's weird, we've always known that it's weird. We're not a normal pair of brother and sister, normal siblings don't sell their souls to hell to bring the other back."

"Well that just makes us more loving than the other siblings out there." Dean said, relaxing when he saw Sam smile at that.

"It's something that people have mentioned before, it's codependency to its highest form." Sam said. "We're completely and utterly codependent on one another and when one of us is out of the picture, in anyway, the other person doesn't really know how to properly handle it."

The both of them didn't speak for a moment as they thought back; Dean making a demon deal, Sam shutting down completely and ignoring everything around her.

"I'm not mad, I'm even understanding." she continued. "I get it, I do, I don't even want to think about what I would be doing if I were in your shoes at that moment." she paused to take a breath. Dean reached across the table to grip at her hand, she gripped back just as tightly, staring down at their entwined fingers.

"So, after all of this, I've come to this conclusion." Sam said. "I'm not the one that you need to make things up with. I'm not the one that you need to apologize to. I'm not the one that you need to try to create a relationship with."

"The kid." Dean said quietly, tightening his hold on her hand, feeling only slightly vindicated when she did the same.

"Johnny." she confirmed. "Because looking at him is like looking into a mirror at times and I don't want that for him. I know this is a case of pot and kettle and I'm being so many different types of hypocritical right now. But I want him to shoot back. I don't want him to back down and let anyone else treat him in a way that he doesn't deserve to be treated, and I-"

She swallowed hard. "He's a good kid, he's a really good kid." she whispered, barely able to bring her voice up. "I don't want him to be like me, I don't want him to ignore his pain and suffering, I want him to be better."

"And I want you to be better." Dean told her gently. "Sammy...you can't hold this crap in anymore. Unload on me, I'm your brother, it's what I'm here for."

Sam stared at him for a moment, eyes hardening over slightly as she came to a conclusion. "Alright, you want me to unload? I'll unload and work with you." she leaned forward slightly. "So long as you recreate your relationship with your nephew."

Breathing out slowly, Dean nodded at that. It was better than he thought that he was going to get, it was better than he even dreamed was going to happen. He had gotten another chance and he sure as hell isn't going to screw it up again.

Johnny Winchester is here and he's here to stay, there's no denying that in anyway.

And if Sam, Sam who had suffered the most, can look past his parentage, look past the parts of him that was an angel and that belonged to Lucifer?

Then by some sort of power Dean was going to do the same.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	26. Chapter 26

Johnny was in Sam's room, he had stayed there after he had talked with Sam and she had gone to him. He had remained there under her blankets that smelled like her to try to remain calm, head snapping up when he heard footsteps, eyes widening when he saw Dean coming into the room.

"Hey kid." Dean said, a bit awkwardly, shifting in place. "Can we talk?"

Johnny nodded, sitting up a bit straighter, head poking out with the blanket pushed back. "Of course," he said. "What about?"

Dean moved his jaw from side to side as he entered the room completely, going to sit at the edge of the bed, just staring at the kid for a few moments.

He could pick Sam out mostly, the shape of his face, the slight tilt of the edge of his nose, even the dimples that he could see a hint of.

The kid, Johnny he corrected himself, was staring up at him expectantly, head tilted slightly to the side. The look he had on his face was identical to the one Sam used to have when she was younger and expected him to have all the answers to the universe.

He wasn't sure if that made all of this easier or worse.

Johnny shifted slightly as the time went on and Dean didn't say anything, just stared at him. He tugged at the blanket and moved it around himself to get a bit more comfortable as he waited.

"I owe you an apology." Dean started, already uncomfortable. He was never good at this but he was going to swallow down whatever discomfort he was feeling. For his sisters sake.

For his nephews sake.

"Since, literally the second you were born, I was...a crap uncle. I shot at you, I punched you, I tried to hurt you." Dean said, staring at a spot between them on the bed, it was easier to look at that than look at him. "And even after that...once I brought you here….I wasn't any better, I was worse. And-"

"It's because of Lucifer." Johnny said. Dean chanced a glance up, seeing Johnny nodding. "I get it, it's because of him."

"Yes." Dean said simply. "Because of him, but also because of me."

Dean took in a deep breath to steel himself. "I looked at you and I saw Lucifer, that's all I saw and that's all I wanted to see. I never wanted, or tried, to actually see past that, to see you. But I should have. And I..."

He looked down at his hands, they were shaking hard so he curled them to try to steady them. "I know as hell I don't deserve a second chance at this, at all of this. But...I'd really like to start over again." Dean finished, rather lamely he felt but he finished nonetheless. "If you'd be willing to."

Johnny nodded eagerly, almost falling forward from how hard he moved. "Yes," he quickly said. "Yes. I'd like that. I want that."

Dean nodded and swallowed hard, staring at the kid, at his nephew, nodding once more.

"Alright." he said, clearing his throat. "So, John Winchester." it was still weird to call him by their dads name but he ignored it. He held his hand out to the kid who took it in his. "I'm your uncle Dean."

A mixture of emotions caused over Johnny's face, too quickly for him to decipher, and before he could even think about stopping himself Dean let go of his hand to reach out and wrap his arms around him. He felt the kid give a shaky breath before he returned the hug.

"I'm sorry." Dean whispered, holding onto his nephew tightly to him. Sam was right, his angelic parentage meant nothing, he wsa Sam's kid, that was all that mattered. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Johnny told him, hugging him tighter. "It's okay uncle, it's okay. I forgive you."

He really is a Sam kid. Only Sams kid would be like this, would be this forgiving.

"You shouldn't be. You shouldn't forgive me this easily." Dean told him, the words choking him but managing to get out. "You shouldn't."

"But I am." Johnny said, a smile clear in his voice. "I am. It's okay. I just want this, I want mom and I want you. I want...I want a family."

"Well you got it kiddo." Dean said, his voice rougher as he felt tears prickling his eyes. "You got it."

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	27. Chapter 27

While Dean and Johnny were doing...whatever it was that they were doing to get to know each other once again, Sam turned to the age old Winchester tradition; drinking her problems away.

She had promised Dean that she would unload on him, talk to him about her problems and everything that had happened to her, especially with Lucifer and everything that he had done to her.

Agreeing didn't make it any easier or make her any more willing to actually do it. As much as she had pressed Dean into actually talking about his feelings, or admitting that he had any feelings, she wasn't comfortable in the slightest to do it herself either.

Apparently she was a Winchester after all, despite all the fights over the years, here was the proof of her blood.

She reached for the bottle once more, taking a deep pull of it and letting the whiskey burn its way down her throat and settle in her stomach, heavy and comforting.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she moved to curl back into the couch again, closing her eyes as she just allowed the alcohol to work through her properly.

She grabbed one of the pillows and curled around it as well, burying her face into the fabric. Slowly, despite the alcohol, her mind started to wander into places that she didn't want to go into.

Her mind went to their mom, stuck in the other world with Lucifer in what was apparently an apocalyptic world where they were never born.

Her mom being stuck with Lucifer was horrifying, moreso because she knew exactly what he could do to her and then some.

At this point she was hoping that her mom was dead, she would be better off dead than Lucifers prisoner.

Shuddering she took another drink, feeling some of it drip down the side of her mouth and fall onto the pillow.

A hand gently grasped and pulled the bottle away from her grip. Opening her eyes she saw Dean staring at her with a gentle expression on his face.

"You haven't been eating much and if you drink this much you're going to make yourself sick." he told her softly, his voice tender as he reached out to stroke over her hair.

Sam pressed into his touch, a small breath escaping her that was almost a whimper.

"I keep seeing him." she whispered. "I keep seeing him in the dark and in my dreams. I keep seeing his red eyes...just staring at me and..." her throat closed up and her voice choked. "I can't make him go away."

She felt Dean swallow more than she saw him, his hand going to her hand, fingers trailing over her palm, digging into the scar that was still there as a remembrance of when she had suffered from the hallucinations.

"Think this'll work anymore?" he asked her, pressing down into the scar a bit more.

Sam stared at their entwined hands, stared at the scar. "I don't know." she whispered. "It happens when I'm asleep mostly, he's in my dreams, my nightmares."

"Then...I'll sleep with you." Dean said, making the both of them crack up and smile slightly. "Not like that. We'll sleep in the same bed together and whenever you have a nightmare, I'll wake you up and make sure that he can't get to you there."

Sam reached for him and tugged him closer, waiting for him to come onto the couch completely so that she could crawl into his lap and curl up against his chest.

She felt like a teenager again, whiskey on her breath and curled up against her brother. Dean wrapped his arms around her and held her close, tucking her under his chin.

"Johnny and I made up, kids too much like you." he told her, moving both of them so that he could lay down on the couch a bit more comfortably.

"We slept together a lot when we were younger, it'll be just like then." Dean murmured, holding her close to him. "This way you're not going to be alone, if you have a nightmare I can wake you up and you'll know that you're safe, that he's not here and he can't hurt you again."

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	28. Chapter 28

_Mary panted as she ran, barely allowing herself the barest glance back towards the cabin that she had been held prisoner. She wasn't sure when the angels were going to realize it but she had managed to escape the cage they were holding her in. _

_She wasn't sure what they had done with Lucifer and she didn't give a damn, she hoped that he was dead, that he had died screaming in pain. _

_Gritting her teeth she pushed that out of her mind, needing to get as much distance from the angels as possible. These were the overpowered angels, not the same tattered ones from her universe, therefore their powers were immense and they could capture within seconds. _

_She needed to focus, stumbling over rocks and branches, it almost seemed like there was no other color in this world other than various shades of grey. So it was harder to see anything in the ground that she was trying to avoid, but she kept pressing on. _

_Her sides were burning and her chest was tight, she had never been the best runner even as a hunter, it was her one weakness, but she ignored it as best as she could, not letting herself stop even for a moment. _

_Her footing slipped, however, at an unseen piece of ground that fell apart, causing her to fall down into an enclave, sliding down the ground and dirt as rocks and sticks scraped and scratched her. She tumbled down to the ground, spinning, arms up to cover her head as best as she could, breath escaping in panic. The second she felt herself slow down she forced herself to stand and keep going. _

_Only to literally run into someone who grabbed her roughly, shaking her to get her attention on them. _

_She moved on instinct, grabbing the arm and bringing her knee up as she dragged the man down onto it as hard as she could. Bringing her elbow up she slammed it against the side of his head as well, forcing him to drop to the ground. _

"_Mary Campbell?" came an incredulous voice that was slightly familiar. _

_Whirling around, adrenaline still pumping through her and chest heaving, her eyes widened when she saw who could only be Bobby Singer coming towards her, eyes wide in disbelief._

"_Bobby?" she whispered, her voice breathless as she swallowed hard. _

_Bobby's lips parted as he looked at her, a soft look appearing on his face. "I take it from that other world with Sam and Dean. How'd you get stuck here?"_

"_Long story, I just escaped the angels." Mary told him breathlessly. "I need to get someplace away from them where they can't find me."_

_Bobby nodded at that, his face hardening over slightly. "You've reached the right people." he said, waving his hand to beckon her with them. "We've warded against angels, let's get to camp."_

_Mary nodded, swallowing hard and feeling every last bit of pain from the run and fall then as slowly the panic and adrenaline faded. She just needed to figure out a way out of this universe and back home to her kids, there had to be a way out of here. _

_There had to be a way._

Johnny opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling as he tried to figure out what he had seen. Logically he knew what it was, but ultimately, it didn't make that much sense to him why he was seeing it.

But his mom and uncle, and those words still made him feel warm inside and a smile appeared on his face, told him that his birth had created a rift in the universes and opened one to a different one where Mary had been trapped in.

Slowly moving to get out of bed he walked towards the kitchen where he could hear them preparing breakfast. When he got close enough to hear their voices he hurried up, a rush of excitement going through him.

If this meant what he thinks it means, then they could save Mary and bring her home and their family would get even bigger!

When he reached the kitchen Sam and Dean looked up at him, Sam smiling as she stood up to greet him. Before they could say anything, he said in a breathless excited tone.

"I saw grandma, she's alive." he told them, causing the both of them to freeze. "We can save her!"

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	29. Chapter 29

They wanted nothing more than to get Mary out of that apocalyptic world that she didn't belong in.

But in doing so, they were going to risk having Lucifer get free as well.

And that, that Dean was no longer wanting to have anything to do with that universe.

Even at the possible cost of their mother.

"You don't mean that and I know that you don't." Sam told him, raising an eyebrow at him. She had her arms wrapped around herself to try to keep the chill inside of her at bay, only barely managing to succeed.

Dean sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "No I don't." he admitted quietly. "It's just...Lucifer's there. And if we break through to try to get to mom, he'll try to use that to his advantage."

"I know, trust me I know." Sam said, her head bowed and staring at the ground. "But we can't leave mom there, I won't and I know you won't."

Dean let out a deep breath, sitting back at the table with her, reaching out to take one of her hands between both of his.

"The whole thing is on Johnny." he said softly. "He's the only one we know that can...make that break to let us through to the other universe and he's the one that sees mom."

"The nephilim eventually outgrows the parent." Sam said softly, looking up at her brother. "So that means that Johnny will be more powerful than Lucifer. He'll be able to take him on if we do run into him."

"The kid barely knows how to use his powers and you think he'll be able to stand against Lucifer?" Dean asked dubiously.

"I think eventually he will be able to stand against Lucifer." Sam corrected him. "It's..." she took a deep breath and continued. "It's one of the reasons Lucifer wanted it to happen, because he'd have a powerhouse at his side."

"The biggest thing I've seen the kid do is help bring you back to life." Dean told her. "Other than that, nothing else."

"He hasn't really had a chance to explore his powers and what he could do." Sam pointed out. She hesitated for a moment. "I...I remember when I used my powers, when I was high on demon blood. At the very least, I can kinda guide him in what I hope is the right way." she shrugged. "It's better than nothing."

"You don't think that it's a completely different kind of powers?" Dean asked her, automatically tensing at the mention of when she had been high strung up on demon blood and being led on by Ruby.

Even the thought of that demon made Dean wish that he had just taken a few extra moments and enjoyed his death just a little bit longer.

"So then...you guide him and...what? He figures it out from there?" Dean asked.

"Not like we have any other nephilim on speedial." Sam said with a shrug. "Dean, we don't have that many options right now. We're not leaving mom there, Johnny needs to learn how to use his powers no matter what, and," she took a deep breath, calming herself down.

Dean watched his sister for a moment before reaching out to take her hand in his. "Sam, what's wrong?" he asked.

Sam stared at their hands, he could feel her shaking slightly and he rubbed at it soothingly.

"Going there, going to rescue mom, we might...see him." she whispered. "And I don't...I don't know how to handle that anymore. I thought I did, I thought that I could maybe face him." she closed her eyes and bowed her head slightly. "I don't think I can anymore."

"You're not going to have to." Dean told her. "We'll figure it all out before we do anything, and so will Johnny. You're not going to have anything else to do with him"

"I promise."

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	30. Chapter 30

"Alright, so, I remember when I worked with Ruby, we started with exorcizing demons." Sam said, clasping her hands in front of her on top of the table. "We're not going to start with that, we're going to start with something a bit simpler." she reached into the bag on the table next to her and pulled out a pencil, setting it down in front of him. "Move this pencil."

Johnny looked a bit confused as he glanced down at the pencil in front of him. He looked up at them, the both of them sitting across the table, and back at the pencil. He reached for it and picked it up, holding it out back to her. "Here."

Sam laughed and tried to school her face back into composure as Dean coughed into his fist to hide how much he wanted to laugh as well.

"No kiddo, that's not what I meant." she said, smiling and moving around to try to wipe the smile off of her face. She took a deep breath and pushed the pencil back at him, leading him to put it back down. "I mean with your mind."

Johnny looked down at the pencil once more, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "I don't know how." he said, reaching out to lightly push the pencil with the tip of his finger.

"I know, that's why we're going to try." Sam said with a nod. "From what I remember...it's like...scratching a deep itch in your mind that you don't even realize it is there until you actually pay attention to it."

"Not as informative as you think that is Sammy." Dean told her, dodging her attempts to jab his side with her elbow. "You might need to go deeper than that."

"Says the one that never had any powers of his own." Sam shot back at him. "Alright, deeper." she took a deep breath. "It's like moving a limb that's fallen asleep, like remembering how to use it and force some feeling back into it."

Johnny looked down at the pencil, taking a deep breath. He stared intensely at the pencil, eyes narrowing and teeth gritting as he tried to mentally force the pencil to move.

"...don't hurt yourself." Sam told him, watching him a bit concerned. Dean had leaned back in his seat, as if expected Johnny to explode.

All the breath suddenly left Johnny's body and he slumped back, breathing heavily. "I can't do it."

Sam got up and walked around to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind.

"You're trying physically." Sam told him, rubbing at his shoulders soothingly. "I get it, it's hard." her hand went to the back of his head and rubbed at it as well. "You just need to try to think with your mind, not your brain."

Johnny reached up to grip at her hand tightly, the both of them entwined their fingers together. He took a deep breath, looking down at the pencil again. Dean watched as a golden glow appeared in his eyes, pulsating in time with his breathing.

The pencil shook and slowly raised into the air, shaking but then steadying itself. Dean breathed out slowly, nodding.

"Alright, kids getting it." he said, pausing when he suddenly felt his chair shake as well. When he felt it start to lift, with him in it, he immediately jumped off. Without his weight the chair lifted into the air easily.

As well as the others chairs, the books around them, the lamps, and finally the table.

Sam was looking around as everything in the room started to lift into the air. "Johnny, you can stop now." she told him.

If Johnny heard her, he made no sign of it, staring down unblinkingly at the spot where the pencil had been, the golden glow slowly surrounding him completely.

Slowly, bit by bit, the furniture started to crack and break into pieces, light emitting from each broken piece as it continuously was broken down.

"Johnny, stop!" Sam shouted at him, trying to pull away from him, eyes widening when she realized that Johnny had an almost death grip on her. She tried to yank her hands free, only hurting herself slightly in the process. "Johnny!"

Acting on instinct Dean reached into his back pocket and pulled his folding knife, easily flicking it open. He threw it towards Johnny, satisfied when it flew past Johnny's cheek and embedded itself into the wood of his chair. It did, however, brush past his skin enough to cut him.

And thereby get his attention enough to break him free of whatever spell he had been under. He started heavily and looked up, the golden glow disappearing and the furniture crashing down to the ground.

Sam managed to finally pull away, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. "Johnny, you okay?" she asked, her voice barely shaking.

Johnny looked up at her before looking at Dean again, his hand coming up to touch the small line of blood. "What happened?"

"You lost control and you weren't really there." Dean said. "Had to try something to get your attention again."

Slowly Johnny looked around the room, taking in what everything looked like. Sam did the same, staring at the harsh indents in the walls and floor. She walked around to one of the marks, reaching out to gently touch it before pulling her hand away from it.

"It's burning hot." she said, looking back at the chairs that were no longer together. "It's...you broke it all down, bit by bit." she told him. "You deconstructed it into pieces, into energy. And you were using that energy to...I don;t even know what you were trying to do but it worked."

"I...I didn't mean to do that." Johnny whispered, eyes wide as he looked around. "I...I..."

Without warning he shot out of his chair, running down the hall towards Sam's room.

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	31. Chapter 31

Sam, and Dean, took a moment to steady the furniture out and right everything as best as they could. Dean was grimacing when he looked at the burn marks on the wall, moving his jaw from side to side.

"I'll clean up the rest." he told her. "You go check on the kid."

Sam turned her head to look at the direction that Johnny had gone, nodding. Slowly she walked down the hallway towards her room where Johnny had barricaded himself.

He liked to go to her room more than his own, he actually slept there more often than not too. She wasn't anywhere near to complaining, she liked the company and the warmth. Dean also joined them at times, making it a bit of a tight squeeze but all the more comfortable despite it.

Reaching her room she took a deep breath, knocking on the door to give Johnny a heads up. "It's me." she said, giving him another moment before she opened it, stepping inside.

Johnny was hidden under the covers, a lump tightly wound in the blanket in the dark of the room. She turned the lights on and crossed the room to sit at the edge, noticing that he flinched when she did so.

"You're not in trouble and I'm not mad, no one is mad." she told him when he didn't say anything. "You didn't do anything bad."

"...I hurt you." he whispered, his voice barely audible. "And I was destroying everything. You just...you just wanted me to move the pencil but...I did something worse."

"You didn't do anything worse and you didn't hurt me." Sam told him, looking down at her hands. He had hurt her at the time, but it was more from his gripping at her and not letting go that hurt, he didn't burn her, he didn't break skin, he hadn't done anything.

It had just been terrifying at the moment, none of them had expected such a thing to happen.

Least of them all, Johnny.

"I want to tell you something about actions that end up hurting someone or scaring them." Sam told him. "A great deal of it matters about the intent. Sometimes even when we want the best, and we try to get the best, we end up hurting some people. It's still bad, I'm not gonna lie, but when you didn't want to hurt anyone, didn't want anything bad to happen, that means a lot."

Johnny was silent for a few moments before the lump under the blanket shifted until his head was poking out from between the folds. She smiled at him, reaching out to stroke at his hair.

"I didn't want to do that." he whispered, leaning into her touch. "I really didn't, I just wanted to move the pencil."

Sam nodded, scooting closer to lay down on the bed with Johnny, curling a bit more into him. "I know. And so does Dean." she said. "We're not mad, I promise."

Slowly Johnny started to half crawl from under the blanket, curling into her arms and chest. Sam tucked him against her, rubbing his back comfortingly.

"Why did it happen?" he asked her, clinging to her. "All I wanted to do was move the pencil, why did that happen?"

"I think it's because...you're too powerful." Sam told him, stroking at his hair. "You haven't been using your powers at all, you've been pushing it down. So today when you gave it an outlet, even a small one, everything kinda just rushed forward and exploded."

"From what I remember, it's something like another sense of yours including the five senses." she continued. "And to hold it back doesn't do you any favors, you need to let it out. You need to let go. And most of all, you need to learn to focus and control it. It's just like moving your arm or using your ears, you just need to know how to do it and until you do, you have to just keep practicing."

Johnny listened quietly to her, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Mom?" he asked quietly, looking up at her. "Do you have powers?"

Sam hesitated at that, thinking back to when she and Ruby had been working together, all the demon blood that she had drunk to make her powers work.

"I used to." she finally said. "And at times it got the better of me because I was afraid of it and what it meant. My powers came from something dark inside of me that I wanted to ignore. And then when I couldn't, I just wanted to use it for good."

Johnny's eyes went wide at that, widening in horror. His hand came up to his chest and he swallowed hard. "But mine come from a bad place too," he whispered. "They came from him, and I don't want to be like him."

"And you're not going to be." Sam told him firmly, reaching out to cup his face and tilt it up so that their eyes met. "So long as you don't want to be, so long as you're afraid of becoming like him, you never will. You're you John, no one else. And no one can make you what you don't want to be."

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	32. Chapter 32

There was no more practicing with Johnny's powers for the rest of the night, none of them were in the mood or the right mindset for it. Whatever Sam might've been able to help with, she was limited. When she had been drinking demon blood her entire focus had been on destroying demon souls and nothing else, if anything else happened then it was just a side effect.

It wasn't like there were any other angels that they could trust enough to help them, they didn't want any angel even remotely close to Johnny or influencing him in any way.

The only angel they had been willing to trust had been Cas but Lucifer had killed him the same day that Johnny had been born.

"So that means that I just need to do some more research in the bunkers library." Sam said simply, with a shrug. "I'm sure there's something in here about angels and nephilim, just need to be a bit more patient."

"It's fine." Johnny quickly assured her, rubbing the side of his head. "Is it...is it alright if I go to sleep?"

"Yeah of course." Sam said, getting up to hug him tightly. "Are you going to be alright?"

Johnny nodded, lingering for a moment to just hold her before he pulled away, going towards his room.

There was a thrumming sound that was slowly filling his head, Johnny rubbed at his eyes and ears, looking around his room as he tried to figure out where it was coming from. It continued for a few moments before it faded.

Looking around once more to make sure, maybe he had been imaging it, he slowly got into his bed, a little put out that he couldn't sleep in the same bed as his mom. He liked sleeping with her and with Dean a lot more than sleeping on his own. But apparently, mom wasn't planning to sleep for a bit so he was going to be on his own regardless.

He didn't like that she wasn't sleeping but he wasn't sure how to talk to her about that.

He got into the bed and laid down, staring at the ceiling. Raising his hand he stared at it for a moment before a golden glow started to surround it, pulsating in time with his breathing.

He could feel...something with it. He could feel what he could almost call a heartbeat that wasn't his own.

It was disconcerting but he managed to push it to the back of his mind as he closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

It was actually getting harder to fall asleep lately and he wasn't sure why. More often than not he just laid for hours staring at the ceiling, it got better when he had slept with mom but even then it didn't work as well.

He didn't want to worry her so he didn't tell her. She had enough to worry about right now with helping him learn how to use his powers.

He stopped trying to think, breathing in deeply as he tried to not think about anything, and tried to sleep.

The thrumming intensified as he closed his eyes and in between one breath and the next, he felt a shift between the wardings in the bunker and his own self.

Opening his eyes he saw that he was somewhere else, turning his head to look at the stone walls and blood covering them. His movements and turns were like he was submerged in water, his footsteps made no sound as he walked through the hallway.

The thrumming was surrounding him and with each step he took it got louder, drawing him closer to the end of the hallway. A man wearing a white suit and had a scar on his face walked away from where he had been peering into a cage and walked towards him. Johnny felt his whole being react to the man, putting him on edge immediately. He couldn't help but glower at the man as he passed by him, not seeing him in the slightest.

The man walked past him, Johnny watched him go, immediately not liking him one bit. Something about him, about the aura he was emitting, he hated him and he couldn't really make sense why.

Slowly he turned back to the cage at the end of the hallway, whatever else, he could feel that that was where the thrumming was coming from. Slowly he started to walk towards it, not sure of what to expect to see.

Peering between the bars of the cage Johnny tried to make sense of what he was seeing. There was...someone inside of it, curled up and shaking, he could hear the chains rattling as the person shook. When Johnny reached up to touch the door he felt himself phase through it easily, stepping into the cage.

He could see the person stiffen slightly, all the breath escaping him. Slowly, very slowly, the man brought his head up, staring at Johnny with fear in his eyes.

Johnny couldn't look away from him. His skin and face was covered in blood and grime, but the most striking was his mouth.

It was sown completely shut with thick thread, pinning his lips together to keep him silent. Johnny couldn't help but take a step back in horror, making the man flinch hard and scramble back, shaking in fear.

"Who are you?" Johnny whispered, not sure if the man could hear him. He could apparently see him but the other man couldn't.

The man blinked at him, still shaking in fear as he stared up at him, small muffled whimpers escaping him. However, Johnny's attention went to his hand that was curled up and emitting a slight glow.

He held his own hand up, focusing and breathing out before his own grace made his hand glow golden again. Looking back at the man, his eyes were locked on the grace that was surrounding his hand.

Slowly, bit by bit, the man reached up as best as he could with the chains around his wrist, and slowly opened it, revealing the source of the glow.

It was scratched into his palm, looking at his other hand Johnny could see blood and flesh under the nails, and amidst the blood Johnny could make out a rune glowing in the middle. It almost looked like the letter V with a crown above it.

And the thrumming sound was coming from it, making his ears ring slightly.

"I don't understand." Johnny said, looking up at him, feeling his grace making his eyes flash gold as well as it spread through him. "Who are you?"

Before the man could make another sound, they could hear footsteps coming down the hallway once more, a smug accented voice calling out to him, making the man shake and sob in fear.

"Gabriel! I hope that's not a spell I feel you castin'!"

Johnny turned back to the man who looked up at him pleadingly, curling his palm inward once more to cover the rune and extinguish it.

Johnny opened his eyes, taking a deep breath, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to understand what he had seen.

"Gabriel?"

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	33. Chapter 33

"Gabriel is alive?" the both of them exclaimed.

Johnny shifted from foot to foot as he stared at the both of them, unsure of what to make of their reactions.

"We saw him get ganked." Dean said in disbelief, shaking his head.

"We actually didn't." Sam slowly corrected him. "We saw a light that we thought was an angel being killed. We never saw a body or wings. He was a trickster so maybe...he could've faked it."

"And what? Now he's being kept...where?" Dean turned to look at Johnny at that. "Did you see where?"

"Somewhere that's...stony." Johnny told her. "I don't know, there wasn't that much to talk about."

"Alright, who was the other person that you saw?" Sam asked, going to her laptop on the table and opening it.

"I don't know. He was a man, wearing a white suit, and he had a scar over his eye." Johnny said slowly, remembering him. "And I don't like him."

Sam glanced up at that. "Besides the obvious, why?"

"I just don't." Johnny said, struggling to find the right words to use. It was a struggle and he hated it. "I could almost...feel something from him. Like...darkness. Something bad."

"He would have to be pretty big to hold Gabriel down like that." Dean said. Sam gently touched her own mouth, feeling a pity towards the archangel despite everything.

She had never been sure what to feel towards Gabriel. Yeah he had sacrificed himself, supposedly and apparently not, to help them get Lucifer but at the same time, when she remembered him, she remembered the Mystery Spot and all those Tuesdays that she had been stuck in watching her brother die.

But she had learned a while ago not to hold onto those grudges, to let go because in the end it meant nothing and nothing would get done.

Unless…

"Mom, who is Gabriel?" Johnny asked, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Gabriel, is an archangel. Technically speaking…" she glanced at Dean, fighting a smile. "Technically speaking, he's your uncle. An archangel uncle."

Dean met her eyes, his own widening. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" he asked her.

She nodded, a grin slowly spreading along her face. "Oh yeah." she said, opening a tracking application on her laptop. "If we rescue him, then he can teach you John."

Johnny blinked at that. "Teach me...what? How to use my powers?"

"Exactly." Sam confirmed with a nod. "He's an archangel and he's just as powerful, years of experience and everything in between. Of all the angels still in existence, he's the only archangel left meaning he's the only one that can even come close to being able to understand you."

He owes her this much.

"Okay so, draw the rune that you saw him using." Sam said pushing a paper and pen at him which Johnny dutifully took and drew. She took the paper back from him and looked it over, a furrow appearing over her face as she went towards the stack of books she had brought from the library about angels. Peering through them she nodded, showing them the same rune on a page.

"Horn of Gabriel." she told them. "It creates resonance that only angels could hear, summons them to the caster's side with it."

Dean shook his head. "Nerd." he said fondly.

Sam just shot him an amused look of her own before turning back to the book, moving it so that Johnny and Dean could look at it as well.

"Says here that it needs griffin feathers and fairy bones." Dean read. "He has access to that in prison?"

"No, but I don't think he'd need them." Sam mused. "It's his horn, his speciality, so I think he could use it whenever he wants to. He just never wanted angels to find him before, and now…" she lowered the book slightly, shaking her head. "Now he's calling for help."

"And considering how little angels there are right now, specially on earth, makes sense that you'd be the only one to hear it." Dean said, nodding at Johnny.

Sam pushed the book at Dean, going back to her laptop, opening one of the tracking options. "Angel frequency is a lot higher than anything else, a lot higher than humans can understand or trace." she said, typing in a few key components. "But not radio frequency. And you said this happened at night so..." she worked diligently as Dean watched with a smile, a warm feeling in his chest. She glanced up at him, and asked, amused, "What?"

"Just good to see you getting back in the saddle." Dean told her. "Just good to see you working."

"Good to have something to focus on." Sam told him, smiling as she focused on her laptop once more.

She was quiet for a few minutes, typing away. Johnny walked around the table to look at what she was doing, not understand the numbers and graphs that she seemed to easily read. She looked at him, laughing softly when she saw the look on his face.

"I'll explain what all of this is later." she promised him as a map opened up, seeming to move on its own closer to the ground.

The map got closer and closer to a certain part of it, towns and cities names appearing and disappearing before it stopped on one location.

"Brings us to...Fall River, Massachusetts." Sam read from the small box that appeared, marking the location on the map. She straightened up and looked at Dean. "Sound familiar?"

"Crowley's old lair." Dean confirmed. "Which means, we're dealing with a demon."

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	34. Chapter 34

Sam took the angel blade in hand and flipped it, moving it around her fingers and twisting her wrist to get back into the feel of using it. Nodding she stowed it inside of her jacket, picking her bag up.

It felt good. It felt more than good. To get back into the saddle, to have something else to focus on rather than her own pain. This was where she was good with, this was where she was best.

Meeting her brother at the front entrance to the garage, she nodded at him, fighting the urge to smile. "You ready?" she asked him.

Dean nodded, not bothering to hide his grin. "Ready." he said, tossing her a flask filled with holy water. "More than ready actually."

"Me too." Sam said, pausing when she heard footsteps. She looked back to the hallway, watching Johnny half-jog towards them, fully dressed.

"I'm ready." he said a bit proudly, straightening up with a light in his eyes. "Tell me what I have to do."

"I don't think that-" Dean started to say only to stop, looking at her a bit helplessly.

"Johnny, I don't think you should come with us." Sam told him gently yet firmly. Her chest tightened when she saw the crestfallen look appear on his face.

"But...I want to come. I want to help." he said weakly, hands fidgeting. "I want to help, I want to come."

"This is a dangerous situation we're going into." Sam told him gently. "And we don't want you to get hurt."

"But I won't get hurt." Johnny weakly argued. "I just...I want to be with you guys and I want to make sure nothing happens to you mom."

Sam softened, looking at Dean once more, taking a deep breath. Dimly she remembered this being reversed, her being the one to beg their dad to come along, almost in tears every time she had been told no.

She had just wanted to make sure that her family had been alright then too.

She never felt more like their dad than at this moment.

"Alright." she conceded, seeing Dean's eyes widen from the side. "But you listen to us whatever we say, whenever we say." Johnny quickly nodded at that. "Alright, let's get into the car."

"Yes, thank you mom." Johnny gushed, hugging her quickly before hurrying into the garage to climb into the backseat of the impala. Sam breathed out slowly, feeling Deans gaze on her. "You have three seconds."

Dean hesitated and then shrugged. "It's up to you Sammy." he said simply, touching her arm before the both of them followed after her son, getting into their respective seats in the impala.

It's not something she had ever wanted for any possible children that she had. She was like her mom in that regard, she had wanted a normal life for any offspring.

But that choice was taken from her the moment that Johnny was conceived. He was a nephilim, he was never going to be normal. So she had to work with that and around that, and babying him wasn't going to help him in the long run.

Dean got them onto the road, neither of them saying anything for the time being. It was going to be a long drive to get to Fall River and there was going to be plenty of time to talk about anything they wanted to and anything they didn't want to.

"Johnny, we're going to a place that has a lot of demons." Sam told him, immediately getting her son's attention. "I don't think I need to tell you that demons are bad."

Johnny nodded. "I know that they have black eyes mostly," he said slowly. "And that they're from Hell."

"Exactly, never trust a demon, unless we say so." Sam said, adding the last part when she heard Dean snort. Without looking at her brother she reached out and smacked his arm. She breathed out slowly, trying to figure out if she could just tell him to wait in the car for them to return. "Johnny...this is a dangerous place we're going to, I don't want you to get hurt. Dean and I have years of experience." she said, seeing that Johnny was going to argue with her. "We're prepared, you're not."

"But to get experience, I need to be in the situation." Johnny said slowly. "I read in a book that actual experience is the best teacher."

"It is." Sam agreed. "But not when you could possibly get hurt."

"I heal fast." he told her matter-of-factly. "Really fast."

Considering everything, she didn't want to know how he had learned that fact.

"Okay, but like I said, you do as we tell you, no matter what." she said firmly. "If we tell you to run, you will run. If we tell you to go back to the car, you go back to the car. Understand?"

She could almost hear Dean snickered and she hated it and him, she knew perfectly well what she was doing.

Apparently she had more in common with their dad than she had thought, considering that she was quoting him almost completely right now.

"Understand mom, I promise." Johnny said, nodding importantly.

"Sir yes sir." she could hear Dean murmur next to her.

She reached out to smack him again, not caring that she did it a bit too hard.

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	35. Chapter 35

The rest of the drive was mostly quiet, they stopped for gas and food, stopping once to sleep in a motel. Dean had played the radio and their tapes on for Johnny who listened to everything wide eyed, alternating between asking them questions and staring outside.

When they stopped for gas Johnny would walk around a bit, Sam showed him a few moves to stretch out his limbs from sitting for so long in one place. Dean did scoff at them but Sam also knew that he copied it away from their eyes.

"What do you think is happening to Gabriel?" Johnny asked.

Sam looked at him, not sure how to answer that. "From what you've told me...he's in the hands of a demon." she said slowly. "The thing is, Gabriel is powerful, he's an archangel and from what I remember, he's the fourth most powerful angel."

"So how does a demon have him?" Johnny asked, copying her movement when she did a lunge to stretch out her legs and thighs.

"I don't know." she said honestly, linking her fingers together and stretching them up as she kept the position, Johnny did the same as her. "It's either very strong chains or some sort of containment or something we don't know about. Either way, we'll get him freed."

Johnny nodded at that, a thoughtful look on his face. "And we're helping him because we need him to help me."

"Mostly." she agreed, straightening up. "But...despite everything and despite history between us...we can't leave Gabriel to that, to being tortured by a demon."

Johnny nodded once more at that, chewing on his lower lip. "What history?" he asked. "You said that before, that you guys were with him."

Sam hesitated at that, rolling her shoulders back a few times. "He...did a few things with us. Some bad, mostly bad, but at the end some good." she finally said. "He's a twisted character, I don't know how to label him really. But like I said, we can't leave him where he is."

Dean came back then with a bag of snacks for the three of them. He looked at the both of them, shaking his head as they all got back into the impala and onto the road.

They spent the rest of the ride in relative silence, only breaking it when Johnny had a question that they answered. Finally, after what seemed like forever, they reached the former place of Crowley's lair. Staring up at it Sam felt a bit of a pang, remembering the demon. Apparently he had killed himself in an attempt to ensure that Lucifer was trapped in the other world.

"Never thought I'd say this but not having Crowley makes these things a bit harder." she said as she tried to think of the best way to keep Johnny safe, she had been trying to think of that almost the entire ride here but still didn't have anything.

"He'd screw us over but at least we knew what he was thinking." Dean agreed with her. "And we knew how to screw him back."

Sam nodded, taking a deep breath before they got out of the impala, Johnny quickly scrambling to join them. He was bright eyed and almost overly excited, looking at them for guidance on what to do next.

She had been the same way when she had gone on her first hunt, less excitement about the hunt and more excitement at finally being able to do the same thing as her dad and brother.

It got a bit less exciting when the ghost they had been hunting had thrown her off the staircase making her dad jump to grab her as well.

Shaking her head to focus on the present once more, Sam looked at Dean who was staring at the front of the door.

"Angel wardings gone," he said, nodding at it. She glanced at it as well, seeing that the runes that Crowley had painted were gone. Johnny was shifting from side to side, looking around and looking somewhat put off.

"I just...don't like it here." he said when Sam asked what was wrong. "It feels...bad here. Like..." he reached up to touch the side of his head. "Like something bad is in here."

"That just might be the demons." Sam said softly. She looked at Dean and nodded, falling back in place. "Alright, we're going to go in, Deans in front, Johnny you'll be in the middle, I take up the rear." theoretically, the middle was the safest place for him. "Just be aware of everything around you kiddo."

Slipping in through the front was easy, they've done it before and for some reason Crowley either didn't know or he didn't bother to close up the gap. It was sparse of other demons but neither one of them loosened their grip on their respective blades.

Stopping when they heard voices, Sam grabbed at Johnny and pulled him back, putting herself in front of him and pressing him back against the wall. The voices got closer and clearer and she glanced at Johnny, wondering if one of them was the demon he had seen. He shook his head, eyes still wide but now a bit more calmed down from the tension.

She held a finger to her mouth and turned back, nodding at Dean. Once the demons turned the corner they moved together, grabbing the demons, wrapping their arms around them to muffle their mouths, and buried the blades in their chest. Their screams were barely audible as lightning crackling inside of their bodies and then slumped dead in their arms.

In unison both she and Dean moved the bodies to the side, shoved into a small hole in the wall to keep them out of sight from anyone else. She turned to look back at Johnny who was pale and looked a bit stricken.

"You alright?" she asked, reaching out to gently touch his arm. He looked up at her and he looked so lost, so young that she stepped in the rest of the way to hug him tightly. He gripped back at her, shaking in her arms. Dean turned away to give them some privacy and be a look out.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, shifting the blade enough to stroke at his hair. "I'm sorry kiddo."

Johnny gripped at her for a moment longer, swallowing hard before he pulled away, nodding. "I'm okay, I'm okay." he told her.

Sam smiled and quickly kissed the top of his head. "Let's go." she said, falling back into position.

They passed another hallway and this time, Johnny stopped them, tugging incessantly at Deans sleeve. He pointed at the hallway. "It's this one, I recognize it."

And true to his word, there was a wooden door there, locked up with a small barred window, and runes carved into it. Breathing out slowly they made their way towards it, senses alert. It almost seemed too easy, too barren for a place that was holding an archangel prisoner. Reaching the door Sam knelt down to peer into it, eyes widening.

There he was, chained and bruised and covered in old blood and dirt. His lips were in fact sewn shut and his eyes were wide and filled with fear as he looked back at her.

"Gabriel." Sam whispered, feeling her chest tighten at the sight of him. Gabriel flinched back but then moved as best as he could towards the door, staring at her with a pleading expression. Nodding at him she leaned back to look at the door and the runes once more, eyes going to the lock. Taking the angel blade in hand she angled it where the key would go and slammed it in, twisting it to destroy the mechanism and break it free.

"C'mon Gabriel," Sam murmured, reaching for him. She gripped the chains and slid the blade along the handcuffs, snapping it clean off. She felt Johnny peer into the prison as well and Gabriel immediately looked at him, eyes wide and shaking.

"He told us about you, you're the one that summoned him." Sam reminded him. "C'mon Gabriel, work with me, we need to move fast."

Without waiting she reached out and grabbed him, dragging him out and ignoring how he flailed and shook, almost clawing to get back inside.

Better the devil you know after all.

"C'mon, let's go." she said, half carrying half dragging Gabriel away, ignoring the old grime and blood on his clothes.

"And just where do you think you're going with my angel?" a southern accented voice called out to them, making them freeze. Gabriel barely moved, breathing heavily and a small almost whimpering sound escaping him.

Sam reached out and grabbed Johnny, pulling him back to her side as well, shifting so that she was in front of him and Gabriel. Dean moved with her to cover the both of them, angel blades up as a group came into the room, including the man in a white suit and a scar over his face.

"Well, well, well." the white suited demon drawled, grinning at them before his eyes suddenly turned yellow. "Lookee what I have here."

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	36. Chapter 36

"Now I know who you two are, have to say though, I heard that you," he nodded at Sam. "Had died. But I guess it's true what they say, no such thing as a dead Winchester."

"But you," his yellow eyes pinned Johnny in place, making him curl more towards Sam. "You, I don't know who you are."

"And just who the hell do you think you are." Dean shot back, moving slightly in front of the rest of the group. Sam's fingers twitched slightly at that but ultimately, she had her hands full with a shaking Gabriel and Johnny.

The demon chuckled lowly. "The name Asmodeus, the last Prince of Hell." Asmodeus told them, clasping his hands behind him as he stared at them each at a time. "Current King of Hell until our ruler returns to us."

Lucifer. He meant Lucifer.

"And having Gabriel held hostage here? What's the point in that?" Sam asked, tightening her grip on the archangel.

Asmodeus chuckled at that, staring at Gabriel with an almost hungry look in his eyes. Gabriel whimpered slightly and Sam moved closer to him as best as she could.

"That's for me to know, and none of your business." Asmodeus said smoothly. "Now!" he clapped his hands, the sound reverberating around the stone walls. "I think I've wasted enough of my time with this. Hand over the angel, and I'll be gentle as the rest of you get shoved into prisons of your own."

Dean snorted and both he and Sam brought their blades up, tensing as the demons around Asmodeus moved to surround them. They were backed into a relative corner more or less, the only thing behind them was Gabriel's prison, stone walls at the side of them, and the only possible exit was blocked by Asmodeus.

A hand gripped at a bit of cloth on her arm, tugging it. She gave a small half glance towards Gabriel who met her eyes, then looked at the wall. A small light was the only hint she had before tugging Johnny out of the way as the rune Gabriel had activated and blew up the stone, making a dust cloud rush towards them as pieces fell to the ground.

She didn't bother to react or think, grabbing Gabriel and Johnny with her as Dean pulled out his gun, shooting at the demons to give them a bit more time.

"Move, move, move!" Sam shouted at them, holding onto the both of them as she dragged them out, trying to remember the right way out. She could feel Johnny shaking in her grip and made a mental note to check on him later.

Dean followed after them, still shooting. The bullets themselves weren't that special, except for the fact that they each had a carving of a devils trap to pin each demon in place. But they only had a certain number of them, without thinking she mentally counted each bang and when she knew that Dean had run out, she let go of Johnny long enough to grab at her own gun, throwing it at her brother who easily caught it.

They didn't have much, especially not against a yellow eyed demon, and even the bullets that they did have would go only so far. They each had a blade but that was only good at close range and Sam had no desire to leave her brothers, sons or Gabriel's side.

"Enough!" was shouted out and with that a rush of power causing them to be pushed back, stumbling and barely remaining upright. Asmodeus came towards them, smoothing the front of his suit that had bullet holes.

"I think that's enough fun." he told them. "It's amusing, watching you Winchesters scurry around like a couple of ants. But I've had enough time for all respective parties," his eyes were alight in yellow. "To go back where they belong."

Johnny was shaking beside her and she turned to look at him, at least grab his hand to comfort him, but then stopped when she saw why he was shaking. His eyes were covered in golden grace that was coursing around his body, coming off of him in almost pulsations. Gabriel was staring as well, wide eyed and in shock as he watched Johnny slowly look up towards the demons and Asmodeus.

Johnny was gritting his teeth, the stone wall started to erode around him as he stepped forward. Slowly he brought his hand up, aiming towards the demons who seemed frozen in either fear or awe. A wave of power and grace erupted from him, cutting through the stone and floor, breaking everything that it touched as it rushed to the demons.

They didn't even have time to scream, they were completely obliterated the moment the pulse hit them. Asmodeus was the only one left standing however his skin and clothes started to burn, peeling back to show bone and muscle before he suddenly disappeared.

And then, just like it had begun, it was over and Johnny let out a small gasp, slumping over slightly. Sam immediately let go of Gabriel and rushed to him, holding him up and not letting him fall as his legs buckled under him.

"I got you, I got you kiddo." she whispered to him, holding him up. His arms came up and gripped back at her tightly, burying his face in her shoulder. "I got you."

She looked at where the demons had been, it was completely clear now, only a hint of dust on the ground to hint at what had been there. She looked at Dean who came to Gabriel then, helping the archangel to stand and not fall to the ground either.

"Alright, let's get to the impala and get out of here." Sam said. "Let's get home."

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	37. Chapter 37

Sam carefully slid the needle through the loops, pulling them out enough for the scissors to come through and cut through them. She worked quietly and diligently, trying to keep the whole thing as pain-free as she could. Once she had cut through the lines she reached for the tweezers, pulling the thread out of his skin and dropping it into a small metal bowl beside them on the table.

Gabriels lips were shaking as Sam pulled back, his fingers coming up to gently prod at his now freed mouth. She took the bottle of water on the table and opened it, offering it to him. His hands shook as he took the bottle from her, tipping it into his mouth with a relieved groan, some of it spilling down his front. Coughing and breathing heavily he closed his eyes for a moment, letting his head fall forward as he tried to compose himself to the best of his ability. Sam turned away to give him a moment's privacy, tossing everything in the bowl to be burned later.

When it seemed that Gabriel had managed to steady himself, she looked at him; only slightly startled to see that his eyes were pinned on hers. She turned to face him completely, just staring at the various wounds on him.

"Gabriel, what happened to you?" she asked him, watching him flinch back. "We thought you were dead, we thought that Lu-" she flinched, closing her eyes and breathing out hard before she reopened them. "We thought that Lucifer had killed you. What happened?"

Gabriel leaned back in his seat, hands on his lap. She looked down to see a scratched in and out rune on his palm, the summoning one that led Johnny to him. She reached out to gently touch it, pulling back when Gabriel flinched.

"You summoned us." she reminded him. "You called out, we answered."

At that Gabriel did look at her, still not speaking. He did look towards the direction that Johnny and Dean had gone.

"That was Johnny, John Winchester." she told him. "He's my son."

She could see Gabriel pause at that before he turned back to her, a question in his eyes.

"He's a nephilim." she supplied watching the shock go across his face. He shook his head in disbelief, looking off in the direction again.

"Yeah I know, but you saw it. He's a nephilim." Sam told him. "And he's my son."

Gabriel shook his head, breathing out heavily. His lips shook and cracked but he tried to move them, a small almost dusty sound escaping his throat as he attempted to speak.

He seemed to give up on speaking and turned back to her, shaking his head. He brought a quivering finger up and drew it along the front of his throat.

"No, it did kill me." she said, only half certain that was what he was asking. "But he brought me back to life."

Maybe it was her imagination, but she could almost see Gabriel roll his eyes at that.

"But he's a nephilim and he's the one that you called to for help." she said. "And quite honestly, he's your nephew."

Gabriel wrinkled his nose at that, taking a deep breath. She looked him over, uncomfortable at all the dirt and blood caked on his skin.

"Gabriel, how did you get captured?" she asked. "And how is it that you didn't escape?"

At that Gabriel tilted his head to the side, showing multiple deep puncture wounds made by a thick needle.

"They were taking your grace?" Sam guessed, feeling sick to her stomach when he nodded. "So...that means you're...human?" he shook his head at that. "Running on fumes?" he nodded.

"A demon taking archangel grace, I don't think he was using it for anything good." she said with a sigh, standing up. Gabriel flinched back when she rose, hands coming up to cover his head.

"It's okay, it's okay." she soothed him, reaching out to gently touch his arm. "I just want to take you to a bedroom. It has a bathroom where you can wash up. I'm sure you want to get some of that crap off."

Slowly Gabriel brought his hands down, staring up at her before he gave a grateful nod, braising himself on the chair and table to push himself up onto his feet. Sam stood by ready to help but not reaching for him, they both knew that he was proud enough, and still buried underneath everything, to need her help with at least walking.

She walked side by side with him, a half step ahead to show him the way. "I'll get you something else to wear. I think anything is better than that." she nodded at the cloth he was wearing. "And I think Johnny would like to talk to you, are you alright with that?"

She could hear Gabriels breath hitch at that and she quickly added, "If you don't want to meet him yet you don't have to. I'm just saying that he'd like to."

She looked at Gabriel as they reached the room they decided to give him and saw him staring at her with an unreadable expression. He jerked his head towards where they were, tilting his chin up in question.

"I have no idea what you're asking." she told him.

Yep, there was a roll of the eyes and as annoying as that was, it was also somewhat comforting to know that some of Gabriel was still there. He then pointed at Sam, raising an eyebrow at her.

"What about me?" she asked, leaning back against the wall.

A sharp breath was exhaled and Gabriel looked back from where they had come from, bringing his hand up to show the rune still on his hand.

"What about Johnny?" she asked, shifting from foot to foot, she had an idea what Gabriel wanted to know but she didn't want to say it just yet.

Gabriel pointed at her, then back at the rune raising an eyebrow at that.

Sam looked away at that, wrapping her arms around herself. "You want to know who his angel part is from." she stated.

She could see Gabriel nod from the corner of her eyes.

Bile rose in the back of her throat and she forcefully swallowed it down. "I'd really rather not say." she managed to get out. "Here's your room, let us know if you need anything else." she didn't give him a chance to talk or gesture again, moving away and back towards her room.

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	38. Chapter 38

Sam needed a couple of minutes to compose herself, stepping into the linen closet to be by herself for that time. She breathed in deep and held it before exhaling. Slowly she took one of the towels and stepped out, going to the room they kept whatever they didn't need at the time.

Reaching the room she rummaged through one of the drawers, taking out some of Dean's old clothes for Gabriel to wear, they were more the same size as she and Gabriel are. She took some simple clothes and then jeans and a shirt for him to wear for now.

It felt weird, getting their old clothes for a tortured archangel to wear. She remembered Gabriel beforehand, how powerful he had been; able to bend even reality around to his liking.

She firmly refused to remember Mystery Spot and all the pain that had come from that.

Gathering everything she left the room and walked towards the room they had given Gabriel. Reaching it she knocked out of politeness and gave it a moment before she opened it, stepping inside. She could hear the shower running in the bathroom and went to it, knocking once more.

"Gabriel it's me, I just want to drop some stuff off." she said before opening the door. She blinked the steam out of her eyes and set the towel and a pair of clothes on the toilet.

She firmly ignored the bloodstains on the tile and the sink, making a mental note to bring peroxide to clean it up later.

"I'm pretty sure that Dean is going to make food soon. If you want you can eat with us or I can bring you something." she told him, barely making his figure out behind the shower curtain. "And I know that you guys don't need to eat but it might do you some good."

There was no answer and honestly, she hadn't been expecting one. She stepped out of the bathroom and placed the rest of the clothes on the bed, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

She leaned back against the door to take a deep breath before leaving once more, going towards the front of the bunker towards the kitchen. As she got closer she could hear Dean and Johnny talking about something in low tones.

They both looked at her as she entered. "How's Gabriel?" Dean asked, setting the pan back down onto the stove. Sam took a moment to breathe in the scent of whatever they were cooking, feeling her stomach rumble as she realized just how hungry she was.

"Hanging in there, he was taking a shower." she told him, going to the counter to peer into the pans to see a pasta and meat dinner that Dean was making. "Not talking yet."

"He'll start talking soon and we'll wish that he would shut up." Dean said, rolling his eyes. "Doesn't surprise me that someone would sew his lips shut."

Sam just shot him a look, making him immediately turn back to the dish to stir it.

"Is he gonna eat with us?" Johnny asked her, looking towards the direction she had come from.

"If he wants to, I let him know that he's welcome to." Sam said with a shrug, going to get the plates and utensils from the cabinet, she grabbed four; just in case Gabriel did indeed show up. "I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't."

Slowly, she handed some things to Johnny as well, they readied the table for them as Dean finished the food, bringing it over in a big pot to place on the middle of the table as they sat down.

Feeling someone staring at her Sam turned around, blinking when she saw Gabriel standing in the door frame, shifting in place and looking more uncertain than she could ever remember him being.

"Hey." Sam said softly, making Dean and Johnny turn as well. She could feel her brother's surprise but a quick kick at his shin under the table made sure that he didn't say anything. "We're about to eat, wanna sit with us?"

Gabriels eyes darted from her to Dean and finally to Johnny, lingering on him. Johnny looked at her uncertainty but then back at Gabriel. She could see Gabriel swallow hard but he slowly came into the room with them.

The only available chair was next to Dean and he gingerly sat down in it, staring down at the food on the table as if he'd never seen it before. Wordlessly Dean took his plate and loaded the pasta onto it, setting it down in front of him.

It looked like it hurt Gabriel to pick his fork up and slowly start to eat, almost visibly relaxing into his seat as he did. When he closed his eyes Sam could almost see a hint of tears in his eyes and turned away to look at Johnny instead, asking him if he liked the meal.

"I like everything that Dean makes." he said almost excitedly, eyes sparkling.

"Then it's a good thing I'm the main cook, your mom can burn water." Dean said with a snort.

"I survived Stanford by myself, I can cook." Sam reminded him, fighting the urge to throw her napkin at him.

"You can cook." Dean agreed with her, a smirk tugging at his lips. "But you can't make it good."

"Then it's a damn good thing, don't curse," she added to Johnny. "That you're here to cook for us."

Dean winked at her, taking a big forkful and chewing. Beside him Gabriel had been slowly eating as well, just observing them.

She tried to ignore that he was focused mainly on Johnny and on her meal instead.

For the time being, at least for this meal, this was comforting and peaceful, and she wanted to hold onto that for as long as she could.

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	39. Chapter 39

Gabriel looked lost as he looked around, fidgeting heavily. His fingers moved wildly around one another as he kept looking for something.

Sam tucked her phone into her back pocket, coming up to him. "What's up?" she asked, hearing Dean and Johnny in the kitchen cleaning the dishes. She was usually the one washing dishes, it was only fair considering that Dean cooked, but for now she was on Gabriel duty.

Gabriel glanced at her and then looked around once more, waving his hand, his brow furrowed.

"Its an underground bunker, heavily warded and protected." Sam told him. "You're safe here, don't worry."

Gabriel shook his head, still looking around. He waved his hand over his head, making the sleeves fly slightly. The clothes were a bit big on him and it made him look...younger almost. A touch vulnerable especially with the look on his face.

She was going to take a wild guess on what he wanted. "You want to go outside?" she asked.

Gabriel nodded at that, a look of relief on his face. Sam nodded as well before taking the lead towards the front door, seeing Gabriel follow her through the main war room and up the circular staircase. Opening the door brought them to the field that hid the bunkers entrance and Sam turned back to look at Gabriel.

The look of relief and joy on his face was almost palpable. She brought them over to a more grassy part of the field and sat down, watching Gabriel all but sink to his knees, burying his hands in the ground breathing in deeply. The sun was setting but some of its rays were still warm enough to feel and he brought his head up to face them.

Sam leaned back on the heel of her hands, just watching the sky to give him more privacy. She wasn't sure what he had gone through or for how long, but it didn't matter, whatever he needed to ground himself and realize that he was out she was willing to help with.

She sent a quick text to Dean so that he knew where she was and laid her phone on her lap, lost in her own thoughts.

This...this was nice. To be outside, still warm, a little wind, and just complete silence around her. Just the ground under her and the sky above her. They were far away enough from town that no one would come out here for any reason and it was just...pure...silence.

She hasn't had this for a while, she realized. The silence, the calmness, she hasn't had that since she came back to life. It was always Dean by her side or Johnny by her side or something else happening.

She loved them both, she loved them dearly, but this moment made her realize just how much she needed the space and needed the quiet just for a few seconds. She couldn't do this for long, her mind would immediately go into overdrive and start to overthink everything, but having this for a minute or two.

It wasn't bad.

She didn't realize that she was crying until Gabriel touched her shoulder to get her attention. She blinked and turned to look at him, suddenly feeling the tears on her cheeks. She brought her hand up to wipe at it, not caring if she left grass or dirt stains.

"Sorry." Sam mumbled, wiping her face on her sleeves. "You need something?"

Gabriel just looked at her, hand going down to her arm and squeezing it once.

Sam just stared at him. "You're right about the nephilim, that it kills the mother when it's born." she whispered. "And I've been through a lot, I've suffered a lot," there was a flash of guilt that shot over Gabriels face at that and she continued. "But all of that kinda paled in comparison to that birth. I felt like...like I was being burned in the worst way. But not with fire, with ice." she shuddered, her voice falling to a whisper. "He burns cold, y'know?"

Gabriel's eyes widened at that, realization hitting him at her words.

"I don't know where he got the idea, or what he was thinking, I don't give a damn." Sam whispered, voice cracking. "And then when it came to it and I was giving birth? The baby had opened a crack in the universe, a doorway to a different universe where apparently Dean and I didn't exist. And now he's stuck there and he's not getting out."

She took a deep breath. "But our mom is there too, she's stuck there too and we need to go and get her, we're not leaving her there. It's just…" her breath hitched.

"I'm terrified that when we go to rescue her, I'm going to run into him." she continued. "And I have no idea what I'm going to do if we do."

Taking a deep breath, Sam tried to compose herself. "But you know what? In the end, I got Johnny. I got him and he'll never have him. Johnny doesn't want to be anything like him and he's not going to be. He thought that he was going to get a powerhouse and a strong ally that'll listen to him and do whatever he says, Johnny is the exact opposite."

"Johnny Winchester is my son, and my son alone." Sam said, turning to look at him deadon. "And we need your help to train him. He's powerful, very powerful, but he has no control and no real outlet. We tried to do something simple and he lost control very fast. He needs guidance, he needs your help. I need your help."

Gabriel just stared at her for a moment before he nodded, squeezing her arm one more time.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	40. Chapter 40

This was...more humbling than the actual prison with the demon.

Gabriel stared up at the ceiling, all the lights on in the room. Logically he knew that with the lights on he wasn't going to go to sleep any time soon.

But he didn't want to be in the dark again.

Taking a deep breath his hand went up to touch his lips again, fingers lingering at the wounds that were still there from the thread, he could feel the lingering effect of the magic on them that silenced him.

The magic was gone but he couldn't find his voice, sometimes a noise would come out but otherwise, he couldn't speak.

He sat up and threw the covers to the side, going back to the bathroom. Someone had come in before he came back to clean up the blood from his shower, he wasn't sure who. Turning the sink on he cupped his hands under the water and washed his face, gripping at the sides of the sink tightly before he looked up at himself in the mirror.

Fuck but he looked like shit. Even clean he couldn't wash away the pain and the torture, the look in his eyes and the bags under them. He looked down at his hands, his nails were jagged and broken, at some point he had tried to claw at the bars and door keeping him there to no avail.

His summoning sigil was still on his palm too, once Asmodeus had realized that he had used some of his remaining grace to activate a sigil, he didn't know which one, he had to destroy it as best as he could. Carving it into his skin had been painful, he only had one chance to do it, so he had to take his time and let his nails dig into his skin bit by bit.

Taking another deep breath Gabriel pulled away from the sink and sat down on the edge of the bed, bowing forward to bury his head in his hands.

Asmodeus kept him at the edge with his grace, taking as much as he could without completely turning him human. Made sure that after a certain amount of time his grace would start to build up again and just drain him to the last point all over again.

He had done the summoning out of desperation, a last hope and a last call. He had nothing else left, he'd never be able to build up enough grace to escape on his own, so he tried to summon his brothers and sisters for help.

None answered except for one that he didn't recognize, Johnny Winchester.

He had no idea how to feel about the kid, nephilim were abominations according to upstairs and the fact that no one had come to smite or do anything to him was puzzling and made no sense. Even he remembered the few handfuls that a nephilim created, a squadron would almost immediately be called to kill it before it came into its prime power.

He had stayed away from the nephilims back then, he had no desire to even come close to them, back then he had been on the run away from heaven and everyone else.

But Johnny...he was the exact opposite of what he had expected from a nephilim, he was a kid through and through, he just had a few extras that showed his parentage.

And that...that bothered him more than anything.

The idea, the thought, that Lucifer had been the one to do this. To create a nephilim like this. Gabriel felt his stomach churn, an oddly human feeling, and bile rise in his throat.

Lucifer had always been different but even to this point...he never thought that his older brother would've done something like this.

Especially to Sam.

Sam was...different. She was Lucifer's one true vessel and each angel is predestined and programmed to wish to protect their vessel, a good stable vessel meant more power to the angel that inhabited the body. To want to hurt their destined vessel, especially Lucifer who had been tied to destiny just as much as Michael had been to Dean, and with everything that Lucifer had done to her just showed how much his brother wasn't really the brother he once knew.

He had hoped that some of that brother had remained, some of the brother that had taught him how to hold the stars in his hand and how to throw it in Michaels and Raphaels robes that he remembered and a part of him loved was still there.

But no, Lucifer that had been is dead and destroyed. He knew that when Lucifer had killed the fake him and he knew that now when there was a nephilim he had forcefully fathered him with his predestined vessel.

His nephew.

He didn't have much to do with the kid just yet. Just bits and pieces that he could already see were mainly Sam. The kid that had answered his summoning and almost immediately the result was that Sam and Dean had come to rescue him. The kid had even saved them when Asmodeus seemed to almost get the upper hand.

And now Sam wants him to train the kid to use his powers properly.

He wasn't a teacher, even back in the day when he was in heaven he left the lessons to the other three, he was the one that taught the younger angels, or at least the ones that weren't afraid of him just because of his status, how to fly and sneak away and how to create things for fun and not just duty.

But he could do it. He owed them this much at least; for the rescue, for putting him up with a room and board and everything else. They welcomed him into their home, even letting him join them to eat at the dinner table.

And that was a new thing, having to eat because his body had to eat. He wasn't sure how long it was going to take for his grace to come back completely, but until then, he was pretty much only a slight step above humans.

A part of him wanted revenge, wanted to go back out into the world and find Loki and hurt him in every way that he could, starting with his children, before driving a wooden stake into him.

But another part of him knew that he was in no condition to do that. He had to wait, he had to be patient; that was something he learned how to be in that prison, and he had to come back to himself. After that, he could decide what to do.

Getting back into his bed he pulled the covers up, staring at the patterns that the lamps made on the ceiling as he waited to see if he could relax enough to fall asleep.

He was safe here, warded and protected and Asmodeus can't get in. The Winchesters were here, and one of them was his nephew.

His nephew.

He wanted to get to know the kid better, get to know Sam Winchester's kid, because she was right; he was hers and no one else's. He wanted to help her and help him.

He owed them that much at the very least.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	41. Chapter 41

Sam watched Gabriel breathe out slowly, rubbing at his wrist as he read what he had written. Due to his lack of a voice meant that the only real way he could communicate with them was writing things down.

He knew how to read and write. He just never had to do it before. If he needed a message he used his grace to create it or telepathically insert it into someone's head.

So, for the time being, he was doing it the old fashioned way of writing with pen and paper. The third time after ten minutes of writing that he had to stop and work his cramps away she offered him a spare laptop to use instead which he gratefully took.

According to him, before learning about how to use the grace, the history of it had to be understood. The beginning of things, the elements and creation itself.

As much as Johnny, and Sam and Dean, wanted to avoid it, he was the child of Lucifer, his heir. And as a result, he took those same characteristics of grace. Changed and turned, true, but always coming from that singular area.

When that seemed to trouble Johnny he was quickly assured that the grace was in fact angelic and up to him to use, he couldn't escape where it came from, he could only control what he did with it.

Lucifer, back when he had been an angel, had been created second from the first star, crafted from its dying core as god breathed life into him. The amount of time the whole process took wasn't even able to be calculated on a humans scale, created between the moments of a millisecond.

Sam did and didn't read what he wrote, two parts of her warring against one another in a desire to learn more about creation yet at the same time, seeing just how much a hand Lucifer had in it.

Gabriel had seen her face and quickly typed that it was hard for him too, he just considered the Lucifer of the past a completely different person than the Lucifer of the present. It was easier that way because he still remembered Lucifer being a good older brother for him and other angels before god created the humans.

That helped enough that she could stomach at least to read what else he wrote.

Lucifer was the antithesis to Michael, he was creation in destruction. Once god and the Darkness had fought and she had been locked away, Lucifer had been the main one to help god bring the ruins of the universe back together with the other three helping.

"So does that mean that I can create life?" Johnny asked, having been reading the laptop screen over Gabriels shoulder.

"No." Gabriel typed. "Lucifer wasn't able to do that, he just put things together and god gave them life. We worked together to create a lot of animals until god created humans."

"I can't tell you how to really deal with your powers, they're not my domain." Gabriel typed out for them. "I was the messenger of Heaven, my whole shtick was to," he made a face at that, fingers stopping as he stared at the words on the screen. "It's hard to explain but I was in charge of...spreading? Expanding?"

He made another face, tapping his fingers against the desk. "I can't really explain it, there's no real words outside of Enochian for this." he typed out. "Even the word 'Messenger' isn't right, it's the humans that came up with it."

"It's alright, just try your best." Sam told him at the same time Johnny asked, "Can I learn Enochian?"

"One thing at a time kid." Gabriel typed to him. "Your power came from Lucifer and his domain was the creation in destruction, something that I had no ability in and something that I had no idea how to do."

"But he did try to teach me so I'll tell you what he taught me years ago."

"First things first, you're a fire and you can't ignore that. It's a fire that doesn't go out and if you don't control it, it'll come out of you and take control easily. You need to use your powers, even if it's for something simple like cleaning the dishes, you need to use them."

"Like what happened before." Dean pointed out, listening to Sam read the notes out to them. "With the pencil."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, we let one small part out and it all rushed forward." she murmured, looking at Johnny who looked a bit green. She reached out to take his hand in hers, squeezing it comfortingly.

"Question, do you feel your wings?" Gabriel typed out, glancing at Johnny when Sam read it out loud.

Johnny's brow furrowed and he looked behind himself. Sam did the same, looking at his back and reaching out to stroke at it, not feeling anything.

"...no?" he said slowly, uncertain as he looked back at him.

"They're there, you're going to need to learn how to feel them." Gabriel typed out. "Your wings are the most important part of you, they're tied directly into your grace. The stronger your wings, the stronger your grace and vice versa."

"But...what do the wings even do?" Johnny asked, tilting his head to the side. "Fly?"

"Kinda. Yeah you fly but it's not like...a bird. You're not flapping your wings to just go through the air, which you actually can and I recommend." Gabriel typed furiously. "But the wings protect you, eventually be used as a weapon, and it's what brings you to places like...teleportation I guess? It's faster than light, especially for you, so you'll get to wherever you want easily."

Johnny glanced at his back once more. "And how do I open to another universe?"

"That part I have no clue." Gabriel typed. "I've only heard of being able to crack open a hole to another universe when all of heaven, and I mean all of heaven, works together to do it. If that's something you can do, you're going to have to figure it out yourself."

"We'll figure it out." Sam told him. "Alright then Gabriel, where do we start in learning how to use his powers?"

Gabriel glanced at her and then typed out, "First things first, he needs to be able to use his wings."

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	42. Chapter 42

Gabriel couldn't stop staring at the kid. Thankfully the kid, Johnny, he corrected and reminded himself, was busy staring at the small bit of grace that he had managed to summon.

The kid was so...innocent, there was no other word for him. He was innocent and almost naive, and that part hurt the most. Gabriel knew exactly how the world worked and what was out there, he knew all too well how it would take someone innocent and soft, like Johnny, and destroy him and spit him out.

But that just made him want to protect him all the more. He didn't want to see that naivety, that innocence, be destroyed. Not just yet. It was a breath of fresh air in what his existence has been for the last...he didn't even know how long.

Teaching the kid was a lot like when he had still been a part of heaven, showing the younger angels how to use their grace and powers. It was nostalgic for something he hadn't even realized that he missed.

The kid himself too, he was never going to tell him this, but the truth was, he reminded him of how Lucifer had been. In the Beginning, before the rest of Creation and other creatures and human beings, Lucifer was...he had been different. He had been kind, soft, loving. He had been very protective over his siblings, watching over them with a guided and steady hand.

He missed that brother and he mourned for him, he knew that that brother was dead and gone, destroyed in the fire of the new Lucifer's anger and disdain.

Or maybe that had been his brother all along and the one he mourned was just the image he had created for them to believe in.

But...that was where Sam came from, his mind couldn't stop from going to the younger Winchester sibling. Everything that she was, it was what Lucifer should've been, just like Dean was everything that Michael was supposed to be.

The vessels were mirrors of the Archangels they housed, in every single way, they outshone the archangels in the goodness of their soul, showing just what they were supposed to be.

Gabriel closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to bring himself back to the present as he watched the kid try to create a pulse of power in his hands. There were no real words for whatever they did, it was all in Enochian and he couldn't translate it well. The pulse was just a way to either attack or defend, it was the easiest thing for an angel to create.

Other than using their wings. Both of which Johnny was having trouble with.

"Kid." he held up the notepad he had scribbled that on, tugging on his arm. Johnny broke his concentration, breathing heavily as he glanced up at him, eyes going to the notepad. Gabriel turned the page to show his message. "You need to calm down. You're thinking too hard about it."

All the breath came out of him and he sat down on the ground, wrapping his arms around his legs as he brought them to his chest. "I just...everything you're telling me...it's hard. I can barely do it." he curled more into himself. "Why can't I do it?"

Gabriel grabbed the pen from his ear and quickly wrote again. "Cause you're thinking too hard." he pointed at each word. "Stop thinking. Do it."

"It's not that easy." Johnny protested. "You keep talking like I should be able to just do this and breathe. I can't."

"Stop whining." Gabriel wrote to him, pointing at the words again. "And what about your wings? Still can't feel them?"

Johnny glanced behind himself once more before shaking his head. "Nothing." he said. "Are you sure they're there?"

"They're there." Gabriel wrote to him, just staring at the kid for a few moments before he wrote again. "What do you think about your powers?"

Johnny stared at the words for a long second before his eyes went to Gabriel. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, when you think about them, what are you thinking? How do you feel about them?"

Johnny chewed on his lower lip, looking away from him. "It doesn't matter." he mumbled. "Let's just figure out a way for me to use them."

Gabriel rolled his eyes and wrote out another message, tossing a wadded up piece of paper at Johnny's head to get his attention. "If you don't understand them, you'll never control them. What do you feel about them?"

Johnny fidgeting, staring down at the ground, closing his eyes tightly.

"I hate them." he whispered, barely audible. "I hate them so much. They hurt mom. They hurt grandma. I don't..." he wiped at his eyes with his arm. "I hate them. I wish I never had them because if I didn't, mom wouldn't have died when she gave birth to me. The opening never would've happened so grandma would never have gotten stuck there. I can't use my powers and I hate them. I don't want them."

"So what are you going to do? Sit here and whine and cry and hate yourself? Gabriel wrote to him. "Or are you going to figure out how to use them and how to actually be able to help people with them?"

Johnny stared at the words, shaking his head as he turned away from him again. "But how do I use them if I hate them?" he mumbled.

Gabriel threw another paper ball at his head, only slightly proud that he managed to hit the side of the kids head again. "I'm not gonna tell you not to hate them, but I am gonna tell you this. You're going to have to accept them. They're a part of you whether you like it or not and for everyone's sake, it's better if you learn how to control them."

"But it's because of him." Johnny whispered, shuddering at the thought of the other being where his powers came from. "I don't want to have anything to do with him."

"That's not something you can ignore either." Gabriel wrote to him. "But again, just cause it came from him doesn't make it bad and doesn't mean that you're going to end up like him. Do you want to kill all the humans?"

"No." Johnny half exclaimed, looking half disgusted at the mere question. "I don't!"

"Then you're nothing like him."

Gabriel stared at him for a long moment before he sighed, turning the notepad over so that he could write his next message.

"It's good that you're scared of being like him, it'll prevent you from actually becoming like him. But ignoring your powers and your grace is not the answer. You can't ignore it anymore than you can ignore your arm or leg. It's there, its dormant for now, but I promise you, if you don't learn how to control it, it'll burn up everything around you."

"I don't want to hurt anyone." Johnny whispered, voice cracking.

"Then we'll work on learning how to heal next." Healing still wasn't his domain, that was Raphael; every angel knew how to heal but only the mere basics, Raphael knew how to heal the soul and grace of a being. "But we're not gonna be able to get anywhere until you stop being so afraid and start embracing the fact that your powers are here to stay."

"Are you going to control your grace or is your grace going to control you?"

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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	43. Chapter 43

"Mom, can I talk to you?"

Sam glanced up from where she had been cutting vegetables. "Of course." she said, wiping her hands on the towel on the counter and turned to him. "How's the whole...training with Gabriel?"

Johnny blanched for a moment. "Its...fine." he said, rubbing the back of his head.

Sam smiled at him, going to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water for the both of them. "That bad huh?"

"It's not him, it's me." Johnny said, taking the water from her to sip at. "I can't do it."

"Yeah, Gabriel told us that you're having a bit of trouble with everything." Sam said. "He mentioned that you're not sure about your powers?"

Johnny nodded. "I...I don't like them." he told her. "I don't...I don't want them and every time I remember about them or try to use them...I get...sick."

"Cause you're afraid of them," Sam finished for him. She took a deep breath and nodded to herself. "I get that too. Back when I had powers."

Johnny glanced up at that, not talking yet as he waited for her to continue.

"My powers came from demon blood. When I was a baby a demon came into my room and fed me his blood." Sam told him. "Years after that to try to use my powers for real, I had to drink more demon blood."

"What did you use them for?" Johnny asked her.

"Mostly to kill demons. It started with trying to save people that were being possessed by demons without hurting them." Sam said, checking the pot on the stove to make sure that it wasn't bubbling over. "After a bit I managed to use it to really hurt demons, sometimes even kill them."

"But demon blood is bad, it was like a drug that I got addicted to and the more I drank, the more I wanted it." Sam said. "So...to make a long story, a very long story, a bit short, I stopped drinking demon blood and my powers just," she waved her hand. "Vanished."

"Does all that, the fact that my powers came from a bad place, does that make me a bad person?" she asked him with a pointed look.

"No!" Johnny quickly exclaimed. "You're not a bad person mom!"

"Exactly." Sam said, using the wooden spoon she had been using to stir the stew to point at him. "So if my drinking demon blood didn't make me a bad person, you are most definitely not going to be a bad person just because of where your powers came from."

Johnny slowly nodded at that, watching her smile at him and then turn back to chopping the vegetables, gathering and placing the ones she had already cut into the pot. "What are you making?"

"Stew. It's kinda an agreement between me and Dean, it has vegetables and meat at the same time." Sam told him. "And I'm cooking it to prove to Dean that I can in fact cook."

"Can I help?" he asked her, stepping closer to her and the counter.

Sam nodded, glancing at him as she continued to chop the vegetables. "You can help me add more vegetables in there so that Dean will actually eat them." she said with a wink, making him laugh. She smiled and then cursed as the piece that she had been cutting slipped and the knife cut her hand. "Damn it."

Johnny immediately looked at her, eyes widening when he saw the blood, freezing for a moment before he went to her, hands hovering hesitantly. "Should I get Dean?"

"No, no need for Dean." she said, grabbing a paper towel to wrap around her fingers and going to the sink. "Turn the cold water on."

Johnny quickly rushed to do as she told, watching as she carefully washed around the cut to get rid of the blood. "What should I do?" he asked, watching the red splatter in the sink. He felt a bit lightheaded at the sight, swallowing hard.

"There's a first aid kit under the sink." Sam said, kicking the door lightly with her foot. "Can you get it and get me a band-aid and the small tube next to it?"

Johnny nodded and knelt down to do as she told but the paused, looking up at her and slowly standing up. Sam glanced at him curiously. "Johnny?"

Swallowing hard Johnny looked down at his hand and took a deep breath, rubbing his fingers together before a golden glow surrounded them. He could feel him shaking as he reached out to his moms hand and after a moments hesitation touched her fingers, just above the cut.

They both watched as the gold surrounded her fingers, dipping into the cut, and slowly the skin came back together and healed over, not even leaving a mark behind.

Sam pulled her hand out of the water, turning it and flexing her fingers before she smiled, turning back to him. "You see?" she asked softly. "You can heal. Its a part of what you can do."

Johnny couldn't look away from where her fingers had been cut. "I did it." he whispered. "I...I really did it."

"John, listen to me." Sam said, drying her hands and reaching out to place her hands on his shoulders. "You're good. You're kind. You brought me back to life and now you're healing." she leaned over and kissed his forehead, pressing their foreheads together. "Trust me, I get it. I get being afraid of your powers and I get not wanting to be bad. I do. But you choose what to do with them and you choose how to be. And knowing you? You're gonna be so good."

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	44. Chapter 44

"Here."

Gabriel blinked as a cup of something was suddenly in his vision. He looked up at Sam who was smiling down at him and took it, sniffing it and realizing that it smelt sweet.

"It's hot chocolate, Deans version." Sam said, taking the seat next to him with a cup of her own. "He hates the powdered one so he makes his own from actual chocolate, it's a lot better than a regular one." she took a drink of her own. "I remember you like sweets so I thought you'd like it."

Gabriel smiled at that, nodding his thanks to her as he sipped it, a shudder going through him as he drank the thick liquid. He couldn't stop himself from drinking the rest of it, letting out a gasp as he finished, breathing heavily as he finished and brought the cup down.

Sam blinked and then breathed out a laugh, taking his now empty cup. "I'll just refill this." she said, looking into her own cup. "I also have bourbon in mine, want that too?"

Gabriel nodded rapidly at that, rubbing at his chest where he could still feel the warmth coursing through him. Sam went back to the kitchen to make the drink and came back, sitting down once more.

"Cheers." she said, bringing her cup up and tapping it against his as he held it up as well. They drank in silence, Gabriel closed his eyes to savor the sweetness of the hot chocolate and the burn of the alcohol.

He took another deep drink and then looked down at the notes he had managed to make, flexing his wrist.

Sam looked as well. "What are you making?" she asked, taking the papers as he slid them over to her. It was rough and hard to read at some points but she recognized the symbols being matched with the English alphabet. "An Enochian to English translation."

Gabriel took a fresh paper to him and wrote, "Kid wanted to know Enochian, gonna have to do it the old fashioned way."

"You're really going into this." Sam said, looking over the notes. "Thought you said that he had to learn how to use his grace before he could learn Enochian."

"He does. But at least this way I have it ready." Gabriel wrote to her. "Figured I'd get ahead start at it."

Sam smiled as she read over his notes, she hesitated for a moment before she took the pen and started to make a few notes of her own next to his. Gabriel cast a glance at them and then took a double take, watching her work. He quickly grabbed the laptop and typed.

"Since when do you know Enochian?" he typed, pointing at each word in emphasis.

Sam took a deep breath, pushing the notes back to him. "Let's just say...when your soul spends time with Lucifer and Michael...you pick up a few things."

Gabriel just stared at her for a moment, a look of pity and sorrow on his face. "How long were you there?" he typed.

"Never tried to figure out how much time I was there." Sam said with a sigh, sipping her drink. She looked into the cup and swirled it around a few times. "I realized that the time was different in the cage verses hell time and earth time so when I did try...it just made things a lot worse so I stopped trying."

Gabriel shook his head, rubbing at his eyes before he looked up at her, he took a deep breath and typed out his next message. "Sam...why are you being so nice to me?"

Sam read his message with a frown. "What do you mean?"

"All of this, yeah I get that you need me to teach the kid, but...you're being nicer than needed. Like...all of this," he swept his hand over them. "Trying to make me feel comfortable. Talking to me. Doing all of this."

"Because you didn't deserve what the demons did to you." Sam told him. "And despite the fact that we do need you to help Johnny, you're also in no position to just be thrown out onto the streets to fend for yourself."

Gabriel looked away at that, a shaking hand coming up to wipe at his eyes as discreetly as he could. Sam stared into her mug to give him that moment.

"I never apologized." he typed out slowly, getting her attention. "For what I did to you before. Mystery Spot."

Sam worked her jaw from side to side at that name, leaning back into her seat.

"Tuesdays are still pretty hard for me." she said quietly. "And whenever I heard that stupid song, I just need to change the channel. That whole thing...you have no clue how messed up it made me, seeing my brother just die over and over again like that."

Gabriel flinched at her words, slowly typing. "I'm sorry, I really am."

Sam shrugged at that. "It's done." she said simply. "In your roundabout way you were trying to prepare me. Ended up mentally scarring me but...thought that counts?" she sipped her drink. "Was that the real reason? That you were trying to get me to get used to destiny and all that crap? And later on about us playing our roles for Michael and Lu-him?"

Gabriel stared at her sorrowfully before he started to type. "Most of it was, despite everything I did and ran away from I was still technically the 'Messenger of Heaven' so that when things were being put into place, I got my own nudges to do as was told."

"Mystery Spot was before the whole apocalyptic showdown." Sam reminded him. "So what was that about?"

Gabriel closed his eyes, bowing his head before he started writing again. "Part what you already said. Part me trying to get back at you for outing me and getting in my way when I was pretending to be a trickster."

"I'm sorry Sam. I really am." he continued to write. "I shouldn't have done that. Especially not to you."

Sam read his message and was quiet before she gave a small smile. "Y'know, I think you're the first person to apologize to me for something you've done, for hurting me." she said, a sad smile on her face.

"Thank you." she said, smiling at him. "I forgive you."

Gabriel smiled slightly back at her, reaching for his mug and carefully tapping it against hers as he took a drink.

"Mind if we join?" her brother's voice came. She looked up as Dean and Johnny came in. Johnny was carefully holding two more mugs of hot chocolate as Dean wheeled in the projector and screen.

"Yeah of course." Sam said, watching as Dean set things up. "Movie night?"

"Yep. Downloaded a bunch of movies and shows." Dean said, as he connected his laptop to the projector. "So dealers choose Sammy, what do you want to watch?"

"How about something simple?" Sam suggested, reaching for Johnny's cup to sniff it quickly to make sure that it was just hot chocolate before handing it back to him. She pulled Dean's laptop to her so that she could search. "Something we can all enjoy."

She started the first nice family movie she found and looked at Dean and Johnny, smiling at them.

Not noticing when Gabriel glanced at her with a small smile of his own.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**114/366**

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.**


	45. Chapter 45

Sam came out into the clearing where Gabriel and Johnny were training only to find Gabriel standing there alone, staring at his watch.

She looked around, still not seeing her son. "Gabriel...where is Johnny?" she asked.

Gabriel glanced at her, holding one finger up and then his watch beeped and with a flush of air, sound of wings, and rush of electricity through the air Johnny suddenly reappeared, falling to the ground and rolling a few times before he came to a stop.

Sam went to his side, helping him to sit up. "You're teleporting already?" she asked, reaching out to brush the dirt off of his shirt.

"Kinda." Johnny said, wiping at his forehead. "We were trying to teleport but I was also trying to," he looked and pointed at a sigil that was drawn in the ground. "To see how long I could keep powering that, I was just a few feet away. Gabriel was counting how long I can keep it up."

"And what's the prognosis?" Sam asked, looking at Gabriel. "How long did he manage?"

Gabriel held up his notepad. "Ten seconds."

"Felt like a lot longer." Johnny mumbled, getting up and brushing his jeans.

"The fact that you're doing this on day two, means that you're learning really fast." Sam told him. "Don't get ahead of yourself, you're doing great."

"But I want to be doing more." Johnny said softly, moving closer so that he could lean against her and put his head on her shoulders. "How am I going to be able to rescue grandma if I can't even do this?"

"Because you don't just jump the gun twenty steps in front, you need to take smaller steps and get used to everything." Sam told him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and rubbed at his arm with her thumb. "Trust me, you're doing great."

When he didn't look convinced Sam sighed and pulled him down a bit more so that his head was on her lap. She gently stroked at his head, running her fingers through his hair.

"Just relax." she told him. "Because you're trying to push yourself too hard, you're being too hard on yourself. So please, just relax."

Johnny stared up at her. "But I want to be helpful. I want to be better than this."

"And you're going to be, but you need time to get there." Sam said. "But right now, you're going to relax and stop thinking about all of this."

Johnny slowly nodded, closing his eyes as she stroked over his face and hair. Sam looked up when Gabriel sat next to her, showing his note.

"Kid pushes himself too hard. I keep telling him to stop and take breaks but he's insistent." he wrote to her.

She glanced down at her son, smiling when she saw that he had fallen asleep in her lap. "Did you tell him that he'll be drained like this?"

"Yes, he's stubborn." Gabriel wrote. "Said that he doesn't care."

"Sounds like a Winchester to me." Sam said with a smile, resting her hand in his hair. "What else are you guys going to work on?"

"Ideally, his wings and using them to teleport to farther places." Gabriel wrote. "But realistically, I think I'm going to stick to him using his grace to attack and defend."

"Why the difference?"

Gabriel looked thoughtful for a moment before he started to write. "Well if he's in the middle of the realm and suddenly loses all feeling in his wings, he'll be falling damn knows where so I'd like to be there to catch him. Or at the very least be able to heal him."

"Thank you." Sam said with a smile. "So, what do you think about him? Not just as a student but...technically, as a nephew."

Gabriel looked at the kid who was sleeping on her lap, a soft and fond look on his face. He chewed on the inside of his cheek before he started to write on his notepad.

"He's a good kid, he's definitely your kid and I mean that in the best way possible." he wrote. "He loves you a lot, loves Dean a lot. He wants to be good." he smiled once more. "He's just really good and I don't know if I can say this, but I'm really proud of him and who he is."

"You can say it, you're family." Sam told him. "I know that we all want to ignore it," she swallowed hard. "Especially me. But...we all know who the angelic part came from. And...he was your brother." she looked down at Johnny once more. "So you're his uncle. You're family."

Gabriel smiled at that, she ignored the tears in his eyes as he slowly wrote out his next message.

"Haven't been a part of a family in a very long time." he wrote. "Last...group that I was a part of was the one that handed me over to the demons."

"Is that who you were with after the whole Elysian Hotel?" Sam asked him, watching him nod. "Who were they?"

Gabriel hesitated but then turned to a new page on the notepad, slowly writing his message out before he handed it to her.

"A group of Nordic gods that I was with when I left heaven. The main one even helped me with the vessel thing, we look exactly the same because of that. I worked with them until I left and after Elysian, I hid with them again. Until they turned on me and handed me over to Asmodeus, the yellow eyed demon in a white suit you saw."

Sam slowly read what he wrote, taking a deep breath before she handed the notepad back to him.

"So Asmodeus is the last, I guess general, of hell. Of the yellow eyed demons." she said. "The Nordics, who were they?"

Gabriel wrote a simple name, turning to show her, "Loki."

"Loki?" she repeated. "The god of mischief?"

Gabriel nodded, quickly scribbling a few more words. "And his sons as well."

"Do you think they're going to come after you again?" she asked.

Gabriel swallowed hard and then wrote. "I don't know. I think Asmodeus will, he only has so much of my grace left to use. But Loki and his sons?" he hesitated and then continued. "They won't but I want to go and get them."

"You want revenge." Sam said quietly. "For them betraying you to the demons."

Gabriel just nodded, looking away.

"All I can say is that if you want revenge, you're going to want to wait." she told him. "Wait for your grace to power back up. Wait for your powers to come back. You don't want to go into something like that, especially against a pagan, at half or less power."

Gabriel looked down at his hand, attempting to summon his grace only for a few sparks of grace to appear before dying out. He nodded at that, setting his hand down onto the grass between them.

"And when you decide to go and get your revenge." Sam continued. "We'll be there to help you."

She smiled at him when he looked at her in surprise. "Like I said, we're not about to throw you out onto the street. And we're not going to throw you to the wolves, or Pagans in this case."

She couldn't really read the expression on his face then but slowly he reached for her hand, entwining their fingers together hesitantly and squeezing.

"Thank you." he mouthed.

Sam just smiled, squeezing his hand back. She looked back down at Johnny and let out a deep breath, she could see Gabriel just staring at her but when she looked back at him he looked away, but didn't pull his hand away from hers.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**120/366 **

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me. **

**Alright, poll time once again. Should this story be Sabriel (SamxGabriel)?**


	46. Chapter 46

This whole being a human thing, wasn't that bad. Yeah there were the bodily functions he had to deal with now and he was dependent on food and sleep and things like that.

But all in all...it wasn't that bad. He might not be able to snap his fingers and create whatever creeped into his mind anymore or even teleport or so much as make a lollipop appear from thin air.

But he was out of prison and in hindsight...he'd take anything else other than being in the clutches of that sorry excuse of a General.

For fucks sake, Gabriel had been a better commander of Heaven back in his time than Asmodeus is of hell at this time and that's not saying much.

But him being mostly human, it's not the worst thing to happen to him and quite frankly?

He'll take it.

As an archangel, it was...intense. Everything was amplified to such a point that it was meaningless and meant nothing. Anything that he ate or drank at the time was just because of how it physically felt. His senses were so overly stimulated that the end result was that he could really taste anything at all.

But now...it was different.

It was simultaneously overwhelmingly intense while at the same time being so...so…

No. It was just as intense. Just a different kind of intense.

And he liked it.

Everything...it all made sense now that there were human things behind it. He felt like he was seeing both the bigger and the smaller picture at the same time. It was so simple that it was complex and yet so complex that it went right back to simple.

Dishes got dirty, so he washed the dishes. He cut himself, he got a bandage and cleaned the cut. Cold? Put on a jacket. Hot? Take the jacket off.

Two plus two equals four always. There were no molecules in between to consider into the equation, nothing else for him to think about.

He helped out. He helped Dean with weapons and in the kitchen; not that he could really do anything but clean up and prepare but that was helping. He helped Johnny learn how to use his grace; as much as he could without his own grace but still theory turned into reality.

The only one he couldn't really seem to help was Sam.

And she was the one he wanted to help out the most.

Everything else was simple, everything else he could do. Everything else was just that two plus two equals four.

But Sam...Sam was the parts in between that he wanted to get to know again.

They talked together, or rather she talked and he wrote out whatever he wanted to say. She was patient with him and always calm, which in turn calmed him as well.

Sam had...Sam had always been...he didn't know how to name it. He had been intrigued by her the moment she stepped into that high school back when he had played as a trickster. And it hadn't been the fact that he knew what she truly was, Lucifer's future predestined vessel. Dean had been the same for Michael but he hadn't held a candle of interest compared to Sam.

And he'd admit it, he flirted with her when he posed as the janitor. If only to see her grin, cheeks reddening as she ducked her head. He remembered Dean rolling his eyes but ultimately, all his attention had been on Sam.

He didn't even have to use any tricks on her, no grace or Norse trick, or anything. She tentatively flirted back with him and he was sure that if his cover hadn't been blown so fast, they would've gone for drinks that same night.

After that...Sam had changed, and changed for the better. She was a lot more certain of herself, confident, had no problem looking him in the eyes, grabbing him and slamming him into a car, demanding that he break the curse of Tuesdays that he had put on her.

He wasn't going to lie, when she did that, he had been aroused. Sam was strong, confident, and most of all, alive and full of emotion.

Which then broke him when she pleaded, almost on her knees, with tears in her eyes as she begged him to give her brother back to him.

And to be honest, that was the first time he had felt bitter and hateful over what he had done. It was a tough pill to swallow, and he tried to bury it down deep, but for a very long time after that, all he could see when he closed his eyes was Sam crying and begging him for her brother.

If Michael and Lucifer had been even a single bit like Dean and Sam are, a lot of crap would've been avoided.

His mind kept going to Sam, more so than even when he had been an archangel. As an archangel he tried to keep his mind on her only due to who she was meant to be. Tried not to think of her as anything other than Lucifer's future vessel.

But now? As a human?

It was hard not to think about her completely.

Gabriel breathed out slowly and slightly tilted the laptop screen enough to be able to see her in the reflection of the screen. He felt his stomach clench at the sight of her, she was showing something on her own laptop to Johnny who was staring in awe. Dean was standing behind them, arms around Sam and chin on her shoulder as he watched as well, saying something.

The only disappointing part of his sudden humanity was that he couldn't really understand what he was feeling, which emotion was currently coursing through him.

Not that he really felt anything as an archangel. His vessel would react and his grace would read it, figure out which hormones were being used and how the energy was being redistributed before he made the decision to act on it.

Angels were capable of feeling the emotions, they just had a few extra moments of decision making that humans didn't. Even then those emotions were muted, like something they read on a next few pages in a book they already knew how it would end.

But now he was human. Now he had all these emotions that he didn't have a filter to go through. Didn't have a single clue as to what they were or what they meant.

Rubbing at his eyes Gabriel leaned back, looking over what he had already written. A mess of history lessons, Enochian lessons, and anything else he could think of in between.

But no matter how much he tried to focus on whatever he was writing and making for Johnny, his thoughts couldn't help but go back to Sam.

He caught a glimpse of her on the computer screen once more, feeling his stomach and chest tighten. He heard her laugh and he felt his chest warm at the sound.

It was simultaneously a good feeling and a horrifying feeling.

It felt so very much human. And he liked it.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**129/366**

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.**

**And Sabriel is the winner!**


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